The disappointment of a pink haired troll

I once won a pink haired troll on those grabbing machines at the fair. Well, I didn't win it myself, I found it in the box where the prizes fall out. Those machines drive me mad. I've spent loads of 20p's on them and then come out with nothing, apart from the pink troll, which I didn't win anyway. The problem with the machines is that there are often so many cuddly toys or not so cuddly ones in there that you can't choose, and then you can't quite get the grabber in the right place, and when the grabber goes down it only makes a half hearted attempt at grabbing. You have a moment of 'I'm going to win!' only to feel the disappointment as the prize slips out of the grabbers rubbish grip.

I think that life can sometimes be like that. There are so many opportunities out there and when nothing jumps out at us we can get lost in the choice so don't make any, or make the choice half heartedly and don't actually pick it up. Our initial enthusiasm dies down and the idea slips out of our hands because our grip wasn't strong enough.

I crave concreteness. I would like the opportunity to be there, to be obvious and to make sense. I would like the opportunity to fall in my lap (like the pink haired troll).

Trouble is, when that happens, it can be a disappointment. When I haven't worked for something I feel a bit like a fraud or an imposter. I don't have ownership of what I am doing. The stress of working out which opportunity to grab hold of can be painful and difficult at the time, and sometimes doesn't make sense, but when it is worked through it is so much better than something that just happened (I have no idea what happened to the pink haired troll - I guess I didn't love it enough).

When that opportunity comes I must make sure I grab it tightly, tight enough to pick it up and hold onto it, tight enough to do something with it......


"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track" Proverbs 3:5-6