Intergenerational Church and Food

I'm currently involved in planning and taking part in a series of workshops exploring Intergenerational Church with the North West Baptist Association. Last time we talked about Intergenerational Church and food.... here is a slightly shortened version of what I said... 

Sitting around the Boxing Day Buffet with my family - fourteen humans (three generations) ranging in ages from 2 to older, four dogs (one a puppy) wander around under the table. An abundance of food. The hands reach out and fill the plates. My oldest nephew gets up and walks round to the other side of the table so he can reach the cheese board. The vegetarian sausage rolls are divided up between me and my sisters before a meat eater mistakes them for the real stuff. My brother reaches for the homemade pickled onions and we watch as his eyebrows raise with the sharpness of the vinegar and the strength of the onions. My youngest niece begins the inevitable climb onto her mum's lap and the food she knocks off the table is quickly eaten by the one dog we though was sleeping. As the food gets consumed and the movement around the table gets more chaotic, the conversation flows. We listen and we learn. We laugh and we argue. We might even throw things. 


Family life - in all its beauty and chaos - around the table all of our uniqueness is lived out.

A couple of years ago I visited Tatton Park and there was an exhibition on called ‘Guardian Angels’ by the artist Cristina Rodrigues. I blogged about it more here.

As I walked into the kitchens  - one of the installations really struck me.

The description of the piece explained how it is reflecting on the fact that we now spend less time gathered round the table which stood at the heart of our homes. The red ribbons are like blood – energy lines that bring life and tell a story. The ceramic hearts connected by the ribbons show how we connect to one another. The table being in the kitchen was also significant because the kitchen was the heart of the house, making the house a home.

It inspired my thinking around church, around church family and how we gather as a family, and it inspired my MA dissertation on the role of food in building faith community. People think I’m obsessed with food – I’m not, honestly. 

When we think about intergenerational church, it's perhaps a bit like my boxing day family. Gathering as intergenerational church round the table is like when the whole family - when weird Aunties and trantruming toddlers, grumpy Granddads and 'I'm just coming in from cutting down a tree' brothers gather together on boxing day for tea. That moment of gathering cannot expect to be controlled. It's going to be messy and chaotic but it can do some much for the family - for the community it is worth doing. 

In my research I’ve been comparing how the early church, beginning with the church in Acts, met together and have been contrasting that with projects that meet in that way today. The projects I have researched have included a number of things, but one of the things that has been key around the table in these projects is that all of them have had some kind of intergenerational element to the way they gather – some were intentionally intergenerational, but some have become so because it is easy to include all the generations as we gather around food. At my own church we have developed our all age service to become cafe worship – a kind of all age, all circumstances messy church where gathering around tea and cake has meant that conversation has flowed and families have learned to worship together – I believe it has been key to a change in outlook and growth in faith as a church. 

In Acts 2 we see the early church gathering together each day and eating together. They did this in the context of worship and as the table brought the people together, they were brought together with God, but just as eating has become less important in family homes, it has become less important in churches over time. As the early church grew from that time in the early accounts in Acts, they grew too big for their homes, or too big to recline around the dinner table, so they began to meet in separate rooms, or in community buildings and then food became less important and churches lost something of their identity.

At the time of Acts, eating together was a normal thing to do – it was how people gathered – it wouldn’t have been strange to invite people round to your home to eat and then have a philosophical discussion together. However, the church was also countercultural in the way it met, and as we read through the early church letters and the accounts in Acts we see some of the opportunities it brought and some of the problems it caused.

Although that society ate together, it was normal to have a strict rule of hierarchy at the table – the one with the highest status would recline at the top table and get the best food. Slaves, women and children would rarely make it to the table, and those at the bottom of the guest list would get little food. In 1 Corinthians 11 we see that some people were getting more food than others because the early church was living up to the expectations of society. Paul challenges this and tells everyone that they need to make sure that food is distributed equally.

What linked the diners in early Christian communities was faith, which transcended above social structures and social and ethnic differences. Acts tells us they shared everything – their food, their possessions, their money… making sure that no one was left without. This was countercultural, radical, kingdom living. It meant building a new kind of community – one that centred on Christ as it put everyone on an equal footing. Eating together forces us to take those things we are convicted about from being abstract concepts and means we need to work them out with the people we gather round the table with. 

The table is a place of sharing, a place of conversation, a place where we can learn. Gathering around the table helps us to grow in faith. As we make time to spend with people who have different insights in faith or are much more mature in faith than we are, we put ourselves on an equal footing with them - we are able to learn from them what it means to follow Jesus. 

When we invite someone to eat with us, we send them a message – that we want a closer relationship with them and we want to open up and have intimacy. If we make time to sit around the table; all generations together, then for those who are not involved in normal decision making, for those who think their voice doesn’t matter, for those who we don’t normally listen to, it sends that message – that they matter. This is key particularly when we are trying to include children’s voices in the mix, but also for much of the church community. Does my voice really matter? Yes it does, and I’m going to sit and eat with you as we share our stories together. Round the table we learn to trust one another, where we all have a role and a purpose, where we can learn to just be together with no agenda but eating.

Of course there are issues when it comes to eating together and the mess is just one of them. Eating together (particularly with all generations together) is countercultural, and to include it as part of normal church life is difficult and sometimes controversial, but I believe it is worth the effort. Long standing church attendees find it difficult; food is an aside, not a central part of meeting together – in some people’s eyes it is seen as ungodly. Feasting is countercultural to church culture; when the ‘feast’ of bread and wine that unites us is less of a feast and more of a taster (and not a good one at that), when we don’t enable all generations to participate in the feast in some way (that opens a whole can of worms) then how can we demonstrate the abundance of God within our communities?

We could question whether eating together is actually that important - I believe it is.... If we are to enable bonds and relationships to be built, if we are to create a culture of learning and inclusion in our intergenerational churches, we need to make sure that all generations are involved in the preparation, the serving and the eating of food.

Church doesn’t work if we don’t talk to one another. Our physical body needs a neurosystem so that the different parts can communicate together. Perhaps the table, in its ability to enable conversation, is the facilitator of the neurosystem that makes up the body of the church – to work, the different parts need to make space to talk together, and a meal is a great place for that.

What if the eye never sat down with the ear and told the ear what it could see. What if the foot never sat down with the hand and told the hand where it would be going. What if the brain stopped sending messages to the hands and feet and nothing got done…..? As we gather round the table, as relationships and trust are built, we see the body of Christ work together much more effectively than if we just sat next to one another in the corridor. It’s a perfect central point for intergenerational church, because whoever we are, whatever age we are, however messy and eater we are, whether we like plain food or the hottest curry imaginable, whether we are a food snob or a McDonalds fanatic.... we all have to eat.... so in our contexts, however we do it, to grow an effective intergenerational church culture, I believe gathering around the table has to be part of that.

That wall we all rejected.....

And slowly it builds
Brick by brick
That wall we all rejected

And the rhetoric filters through
The drive by threat
They're taking our jobs, our houses

Go home, you're not welcome here

Standing back we listen
We shake our fist
And we go on as it all dies down

And the rhetoric filters through
The chaos of the camps
They threaten our drivers, it's not safe

Go back, you're not welcome here

Standing back we watch
We send our cast offs
And go by as they're all moved on

And the rhetoric filters through
Bring back  our control
Close the doors, put the biggest bolts on.

The door is closed, you're not welcome here

Standing back we hear
As experts cry out
And we go on as it all rolls on

And the rhetoric filters through
Our exit door is open
Now go - the entrance door is tight shut

Even you are not welcome any more

Standing back we hear cries
As blame is dished out
And those we live beside leave in fear

And slowly it builds
Brick by Brick 
That wall we rejected - it's here

As we look out from the UK, we so often see what we hear is proposed to happen across the Atlantic and we despair and shout out and say that 'it wouldn't happen here'. However, as we have seen this week as voices rise up over the injustice over the Windrush deportation crisis we've got to test our own motives, test our own hearts.... and choose to stand up and stop these growing barriers before they become seemingly impenetrable and our society has lost his ability to welcome at all. This article from the Baptist Times talks about why we should be angry over the Windrush Crisis and what to do about it.  

The prophet Amos says these words from God to the people of Israel, challenging their focus:

"I hate, I despise your religious festivals; and your assemblies are a stench to me..... Away with the noise of your songs! I will not listen to the music of your harps. BUT let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never failing stream"  Amos 5:21, 23-24

Stand up for justice. Stand up because God....

The Woman in the Shed

Last week I visited the childhood home of Mary Arden, mother of William Shakespeare with my friend and her two girls. It was a farm not far from Stratford, full of tourists (probably not at the time of Shakespeare) and farm animals and birds including some very beautiful ginger piglets (their mother, however, did not provide them much hope that in the future that they would keep their looks).

Fluffy Ginger Pig

As often happens at these places, there were various people re-enacting traditional crafts - a falconer who spent a lot of time hiding from school coach parties, a man with a long beard and an axe chopping wood and a woman who showed us how to spin wool. We learnt the words tozer and carder and nobbly bobbly (or something like that - that's actually an ice lolly) and others I can't remember. 

But one stuck with me - and what stuck with me was not the word, but her interpretation of what the word meant in the era she was currently spinning wool in. 

Spinster. 

A word, that for many, and for so long for me has been held up as an unwanted state - an old woman past her best who barks as people walk up to her - a woman 'beyond the usual age for marriage' (whatever that is)... perhaps, in many people's eyes... me? (I'm grumpy, single, set in my ways....). At the time the woman who was spinning was working, it was the unmarried women who would be working as spinsters, which is where the word comes from and why it refers to women who are unmarried. 

Even in the time that the spinster was supposedly working, she would have been seen as odd. Shakespeare referred to a phrase in popular use at the time that said that women who died unmarried would lead apes to hell (I'm glad nobody has used that one on me when they have been opposed to my calling as a minister who happens to be a woman!). The purpose of a woman is to be married, and any who are not are... well.... destined for something. 

However, the way the woman who was spinning in Mary Arden's house described the word spinster made me stop and think. She said that spinsters led the way for women to be independent today. She talked nothing of falling into the way of life that meant she had to spin to survive, but talked about choice, that being a spinster wasn't inevitable but was something else. She talked about how spinning made it possible for the spinster to provide for herself, to live comfortably and to give her purpose where society said she had none because she had no husband or children. 

Language is important, and the way that the word 'spinster' has been used across the centuries has not been good. Spinsters are incomplete, lacking and directionless and are left to be living a life of terrible loneliness. My first (guilty) port of call for any info wikipedia is incredibly negative in its description of spinsters, reflecting the language of the world around. 

Although we have moved so far on from then, and so far on the attitudes in society that leave unmarried women as oddities, the shadows live on. When I hear language of 'taking off the shelf' and rescuing her from singleness. When I hear people say that I will only be satisfied when I have a husband and children... the shadows of the expectations of 16th century England overshadow the independence and forward thinking nature of my spinsterhood as described by the woman in Mary Arden's shed. 

When I read scripture, although they are few and far between, it doesn't take long to find stories of independent women who have, whether married or not, gone on and served God in big ways with the support of their families (or not!) and the community around them - Miriam, Ruth, Esther, Deborah, Rahab, Lydia, Priscilla, Phoebe, Salome, Joanna, Mary Magdalene and more.... we might not hear about them much, and some of them are tarnished with brushes that are as unfair (and more) as tarnishing the spinster with the 'useless, frazzled and odd' brush, but they're there, living faithfully, serving God and making an impact. 

That spinster in the shed - choosing to live independently in a society that thought she shouldn't. That Mary Magdalene - choosing to preach the good news in a world that didn't necessarily believe her. That unmarried woman - choosing to stay unmarried and pursue her dreams. Why label her as bad? Why label her as wrong? Why undermine her direction? 

I came away from that trip to Mary Arden's house wanting to reclaim the word 'spinster', but then I found out that attempts have been made to do that already, and they've not necessarily worked. However, we can work to continue to change our attitudes towards independent women (whether married or not), helping to get rid of those 16th century shadows and embrace us for who we are and what we choose to be. 

I take my inspiration from those women in scripture, those women who have walked before me, those women who have stood up against the status quo, and so many brilliant women I know today .... and I walk on, attempting to live faithfully, serving God and hopefully making some kind of impact.  

"Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days" Joel 2:29