The tension of the in-between

Some of the people I know are out protesting today..... and I want to be with them..... but instead I'm at home preparing for our service tomorrow about the Beatitudes, which in many ways are exactly what those who are protesting are protesting for - a way of living and moving forward in our chaotic political world that recognises that those who are most broken are those who need lifting up rather than a way of living that, in an effort to put an end to the Brexit chaos, leaves those who are most broken even more uncertain of what the future will look like. 

I stand with the protesters in mind even if I'm not there in body. I want to feel like I'm doing something. I want to feel like I can be one small cog in the machine that helps this country move forward in a better way - a different way - the way that lifts up the poor and the mourning, the peacemakers and the persecuted...... but I feel helpless right now. 

I worry about what will happen as a result of a no deal Brexit. I worry that the community I live in will feel the effects so hard it will be bigger than a punch in the guts. I worry that we have spent so much time laughing at what we thought was a bumbling buffoon from Eton that we have missed the intelligence of our new Prime Minister carving this path we are hurtling down at the moment. I worry for those I encounter every week who are broken and don't have much right now, for whom the uncertainty of the consequences of a no deal Brexit is another thing that has to be faced in a world that hasn't been very helpful so far.... 

How can we stand up for justice as we head down this path? How can we be more than that feeling of helplessness and despair that rises up every time we watch the news? 

The Northumbria Community Meditation of the day for today could not have come at more of a right time. William Brodrick, monk-author writes that (click on link for whole quote):

We have to be candles,

burning between,

hope and despair,

faith and doubt,

life and death,

all the opposites....

I'm not sure I'm going to ever completely understand how we have got to the place we are today. I'm not going to know what the consequences are until the things actually happen. I want to be shouting with the protesters, making my discontented voice heard. 

What I do know, is that I need to live in the tension that leaves space for lament and presents hope that this is not it. I believe that whatever happens in the coming weeks and months, there is and will be a way out - through changed behaviour, through sacrificial love, through continually drumming in protest against what almost seems inevitable, through laying down what we have so that others can have more, through prayer and lament and most of all through the deep deep love of Jesus who shows and tells us that there is more than this, different to this, a new way that brings hope where there is despair, faith where there is doubt and life where there is death.... and if, as we live in the tension between, we can show even just a little bit of that love - if we can begin to live in the way that Jesus sets out in the Sermon on the Mount, if we can continue to be encouraged to stand up and say this is not right .... we might, just might begin to turn the way it's all heading upside down. 

I cannot tell how silently he suffered
As with His peace He graced the place of tears,
Or how his heart upon the Cross was broken,
The crown of pain to three and thirty years. 
But this I know, He heals the broken hearted,
And stays our sin, and calms our lurking fear,
And lifts the burden from the heavy laden,
For yet the Saviour, Saviour of the world, is here. 

(v2 from the hymn 'I Cannot Tell')

The past, the now and the next

“The past can hurt, but the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it” - Rafiki to Simba in the Lion King

Lion King wisdom. Today I’ve been going back through some old services on my computer because I think I might have something that will be useful for our service on Sunday. Unfortunately what I thought I had I haven’t got despite the framework all being there for having it. 

I did, however, come across a clip from the Lion King when Simba is all grown up and is considering the fact that he needs to go back and claim his rightful place as King. However, he doesn’t want to go back because of the bad memories - he had originally run away because he believed he was responsible for the death of his Father. 

Rafiki, as always, has wise advice. The past hurts, we can run from it or learn from it. 

As I was searching for the thing I couldn’t find, the windows search function reminded me of some journalling I had done at particular times when I wasn’t that happy with how things were going. As I read some bits it reminded me of those moments, but also reminded me of how those moments were part of the journey to where I am now. Through those moments I learned, I became more self aware and in the afterwards I looked at how I might deal with the same things better. Those moments made me realise stuff I hadn’t noticed and opened doors I hadn’t expected. 

I’ve never been a believer in the phrase ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ because sometimes what doesn’t kill you breaks you..... however, I do think that what doesn’t kill you changes you and as it does you have a choice whether to hide from the past that tells the story of your now and run.... or face the past that tells the story of your now and learn - walk with the hurt and not hide it in a cupboard. Hiding the past isn't letting go of it.... forgetting the former things isn't just ignoring them - it's getting to a place where they don't fester and rise up again to stop you in your tracks at the times you least expect. 

We all have things - some of us bigger than others - that we find hard to face - but imagine if, like Simba did in the end - we face it head on and deal with the hurt. Imagine the relationships that could be made better, imagine the vastness of opportunities that might unfold...... imagine, just for a moment, that the scars of the past didn’t open up and weep but were a reminder that it happened, that it hurt, but also that the future has potential to hold better as you approach it with the stories that brought you to now, not defining the hurting you, but teaching the learning you. 

We seize control as we choose to learn through the hurt, and one day, hopefully one day, it will stop biting so hard. 

 “Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good” Romans 8:26-28