Sunday, 29 December 2019

On arrival at the year that seemed so far away

At the end of 2019 the trend of offering the creation a photo book that rips your photos from your social media with underlining captions appears to be the advertisement of choice. It’s an interesting exercise to do if you are an over-poster like me because it gives an overview of in-the-moment comments and photos that tell the story of a year that has brought all sorts of changes and challenges both in my personal life and in the life of just about everyone I know (unless you have been hiding in a box). The cost of those books once formed is another challenge probably not to be faced but for a moment it creates a time to reflect. 

On the 1st January 2019 the next 365 days stood solid before me with a number of challenges to face - some expected and just about controllable, some expected but beyond the control of most of us and some completely unknown. It’s been a year of change and celebration, a year where work has overtaken my life in ways I never thought work could and a year of what only can be described as chaos in this country that is seeking to find a new identity within parameters that can’t currently hold what it is. 

Underlying all of this is a holding on..... a holding on to what grounds us, what keeps us upright and what keeps us steady. For me my holding on has come through song - particularly through the songs of Lauren Daigle who has reminded me again and again of my own capabilities, gifting and worth in God as the punches and stumbling blocks have raised their ugly heads. The holding on has also come through the small things - and the story my Instagram book of the year tells - in amongst the working too hard and the change and those around me losing their heads as I try to keep mine - is this story.  A story of baking and bucket lists and shoes and giant strawberries.... an impressive collection of ikea pencils and the roses that brought joy at the right moment.... glorious skies with burnt orange sunsets and glittery antlers that hardly left my head in the week leading up to Christmas..... a story of love and of friendship, of stoicism (I even bought a badge) and keeping on keeping on.... that in a year of being kept me on track. 

In some ways 2020 has crept upon me. It hadn’t occurred to me that it was the end of a decade - the year with a number that somehow makes me feel both happy and uneasy (perhaps reflecting my general state of being right now) has just appeared, like a hidden peak on this hill I’ll be climbing over this year. 

2020 starts with a month left before all change. It starts with a January to bask in the EU we belong to before it begins to be peeled away, not like a sticking plaster but like a TK Maxx label where you manage to get everything removed but the price. 

2020 will see us holding on tight to what keeps us steady - one another - the small things that bring us joy - the moments of hope - the songs that unite - the places that we trust enough to call home. 


2020 for me I hope will see me getting used to this life I’ve been called to.... and I hope will see a bit more stability than the last year has brought. I imagine that it will bring further challenges I have never encountered before as I work with people affected most acutely by austerity measures, uncertainty and the fall out from Brexit. 

2020 sees me climb over the hill, have my name on a book as editor (that’s exciting!) and enter into the pastry section of my gbbo baking challenge. I’m hoping it will see me join a choir and find my identity in the south as a belonger not a temporary incomer whose heart is pulled northwards more often than expected.

2020 is going to be hard. The effects of Brexit are unknown but known to be very much hard work. The effects of our new government are unknown but I believe inevitably challenging as our democracy is picked apart at its very core. The effects on individual lives amongst the uncertainty..... incomprehensible. 

In amongst it all? 

We’ve got to try and stand together. We need to work for unity - to see all people as human and treat them that way. 

We need to become less selfish and more generous. Our tendency in times of uncertainty is to batten down the hatches but 2020 is not a year for that - it’s a year to stand on the hill we’re climbing over and ask where light needs to shine and sticking that lightbulb in to make a difference. 

We must pray, protest, challenge, speak out.... we’re not called to be passive observers in 2020, but to be people who participate - who make places of truth, justice and mercy and belonging that speak Hope in uncertainty and show another way. 


Happy new year. May it be far better than the outlook appears to predict at the end of 2019. 

“But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbour, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don’t take yourself too seriously - take God seriously”. - Micah 6:8 (Message version

Friday, 13 December 2019

On getting what we deserve

The results are in, the votes have been counted and besides this London bubble I live in, the picture is bleak for the reds. All the campaigning and fighting and debating has resulted in far too much blue for my liking. Needless to say I’m disappointed, gutted, so very sad that the labour policies that would have begun to lift and transform our communities will not be seen through. 

I have collected together a rather impressive collection of left leaning friends so my Facebook and twitter feeds are full of general sorrow..... and in their anger some voices cry out “this country has got what it deserves”. 

Has it though? Just because we voted for it doesn’t mean we deserve it. 

Our broken communities don’t deserve to be battered and bruised to the point that anything to get them out of Europe is better than the policies that will make steps to heal their wounds. 

Our politicians don’t deserve to live in fear of their lives simply for disagreeing  with someone else. They don’t deserve to have lies spread about them, their families torn to shreds and their every move misreported in the press. 

That boy didn’t deserve to have to lie on the hospital floor waiting for treatment whilst his story was manipulated and distorted to make a false political point. 

We don’t deserve to be manipulated by lies and fake news as it is shouted from the front pages of newspapers all owned by people whose interest is their own. 

We don't deserve to lose the NHS, to be reliant on foodbanks, to be stuck in temporary accommodation for years because of a lack of housing. We don't deserve under resourced schools and cuts in our emergency services. We don't deserve to see the rich get richer and the poor to get left behind...... 

We don’t deserve it. 

What we deserve is truth. What we deserve is compassion. What we deserve is honesty. What we deserve is restoration. 

Because even where we disagree, people matter. Their lives matter, their voice, their opinion, their frustration with how the world is matters...... and while the next few days for many (including me) will be about mourning and trying to make sense of the result, as we move on and live with the result we’ve got to be a hand in giving this country what it actually deserves. How we do that I don’t know, but I do know I will be working for it. 

Let's give this country what it deserves - listen to the voices that have been crying out beyond the dross in this election, walk in the way of love and compassion, be part of an army of restoration, seek out truth amongst the lies, be an us first not I first member of society  - because this country deserves all of this (not that). 

And today? Practice self care. Look out for one another. Seek out glimmers of hope and light, moments of laughter, moments of joy, because it is those things, when we hurt, that will keep us walking through. 

And pray - pray for the what next, pray for the future, pray for restoration, pray for more. 

“And now, God, do it again—
    bring rains to our drought-stricken lives
So those who planted their crops in despair
    will shout hurrahs at the harvest,
So those who went off with heavy hearts
    will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing”. Psalm 126:4-5