Ever since I began training (well before that, but the thinking got deeper as I went through ministerial formation) I have questioned what it means to be called and whether if you are called as a minister is it a life long thing. As Baptists we don't do the whole ordination brings you magic thing but there is something in ordination that sets you aside that says that this is not just a job, but your whole life. It's very difficult to minister unless you approach it in that way - to be a minister can never be simply a job, it takes over your whole life.
Every time I hear of a friend or colleague move away from ministry because of something that has happened in their life, or had to change the way they minister because of illness, or been basically dismissed from a church for a plethora of reasons but with nowhere to go, or the money running out in the place they were convinced God had called them I question the nature of calling. Someone I worked with quite closely disappeared never to be seen again. Someone else just couldn't carry on. Someone else realised that the type of ministry to which they were called to was not the type of ministry that matched up to the expectations of the church. Some ministers do things that aren't good which means they have to leave. Some just don't thrive. Some churches can be frankly quite horrible and some ministers and churches just don't get on with one another.
And it leads me to the question of uncalledness..... can you be uncalled? As you sit and pick up the pieces of the change of circumstance in life, as you question your very identity in God..... is there an element of being called back, to return, to let go, to be set free perhaps in there?
Today I preached on the anointing of David from 1 Samuel 16 and as I prepared I looked back on the circumstances that brought him to that point. The Israelites wanted a King and God basically said 'go on then' and in 1 Samuel 9:17 Saul is introduced to Samuel with the words from God "Here is the man of whom I spoke to you. He it is who shall rule over my people". This was a God appointment. Saul wasn't a big fan at first but he gave in in the end because it came from God (he even hid under all the baggage to avoid being made King - there's probably a blog in that) and he tried his best for 42 years to be King. Saul gets a bit of a bad press, but we've got to remember he wasn't all bad - and God put him there.
But he did get it wrong. He lost his way. The last straw was when he lied to Samuel about the task God had set before him - he saved his friend King Agag instead of killing him and he lied when he took the best things from the destruction of the Amalekites for himself (yes the Old Testament is quite brutal). It wasn't until he was found out that he repented.... but it was too late - because of his lies and deceit his reign as King would soon be over and God would appoint a new King in his place.
He was uncalled, called away, let go. While his calling came from God, his behaviour and choice did not, which meant that he couldn't carry on with what he was doing. His reign was for a season.
And Samuel grieved for him. We grieve when we lose a leader we love. We grieve when we realise the way in which we are being called has changed. We grieve..... but then God calls us on.
Sometimes a calling is for a season, and the way becomes clear for a move onward (that's why I moved south - where I was called so strongly it was overwhelming and is the reason I am sticking around even when its tough) - it doesn't mean it's easy but God calls.
Sometimes a calling ends abruptly, and whether that's because of the behaviour of the individual or of those to which they were called, then grieving and healing needs to be done.
Sometimes a calling ends because of circumstance - now this is the hardest for me to understand. What if a strong call is stopped in its tracks by a lack of resources, or what if someone gets ill, or what if?
I don't know, and I don't know if I have all the answers, but I do know if a calling is interrupted, grieving is often important, and we must be given space to do so (on leaving the Bohemian Enclave neither me or the church were given the chance to work through that, and that's something that was beyond my control that I regret very much)..... but then when that grieving period is over we need to listen for God's voice again, and we take that tentative step forward, we broaden our expectations perhaps, we learn to forgive, we make space to heal, but at some point we need to look up and see, because what is next - God knows - and it could be something far better.
"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps" - Proverbs 16:9
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