This is not how things are supposed to be

2020 made me ranty. 2021 has made me stroppy...... or grumpy, or just a bit fed up with it all. This is not how things are supposed to be. Whilst the light is at the end of the tunnel ahead, we're still in a tightly packed tunnel of pandemic and we're still waiting, frustrated, for everything to become a bit better, a bit more in person really.

I was stroppy walking on Sunday between releasing our online service and meeting on zoom frustrated at yet another Sunday online, ranting a little about how this, this present time is not what I am called to as a minister. I am called as a community builder, which is why I didn't train in cyber, and although I can pick up the simpler not all singing all dancing online stuff easily, I am not buying the 'forever online' mantra. 

My stroppy walking was aimed at God. Taking inspiration from the Psalms and Lamentations of scripture where reality is laid before God I laid how I was feeling before him. God called me to minister in this place so strongly, yet here I am, living on my own in a pandemic and trying to minister in an environment that is so alien, each day is a new thing learnt. As I reflected on my call, a robin hopped across my path. 

Now, if you know my story, you might have heard me talking about robins and the encounters I have had on the journey. On my first trip here, God spoke to me through a robin playing in the rain - if that robin could enjoy itself so much in the rain, surely I could move here. When considering my second trip here and deciding to come, the moment(ish) I decided to come a robin sat singing right in front of me in a tree. 

So on Sunday, as the robin hopped across my path I said to God - 'come on, that's a bit of a cheesy way to remind me of my call isn't it?' So I walked a little bit more and there, what was in my path, but a robin, a different one, plumper.... then another.... and then as I walked on the sun was trying to find a way out of the lingering fog. I stood and watched, reminded that despite the unusual times, God is still here and God calls me now - not to how things used to be, or even necessarily to how things will be, but to right now, he calls me.

Over lockdown and semi-lockdown and should-be-lockdown-but-isn't as worship services have been shut or a open yet stressful, finding space to be with God has been different, yet slightly familiar. It's in the standing in the trees looking at the birds that God has been speaking - feet rooted to the ground as the roots dig deep into the soil to find their nourishment, birds singing God's song over me and reminding me that life, community, joy continues.

I've been reminded once again this week not only of my calling, but of God's presence - that he is here amongst us and he is our safe place, our sanctuary, our one constant who stays stable amongst the chaos. He made each one of us and however much we feel inadequate or ill-equipped to do what we are doing now, he looks at us with pleasure, because we are here and we're trying..... and it will get better, he promises us that. 

"Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.”  Jeremiah 17:7-8