Anyway. As I got to the non-usual tram stop it was clear someone has had a little bit of frustration or anger at that tram stop because all the windows were smashed. It has clearly happened recently because the glass was still on the ground and in where the windows would be there were webs of smashed glass trying to hold themselves up and continue to be all they were made to be.
The sun was shining and the glass glistened and whilst I was waiting for the tram I thought I'd take some photos through the broken glass. A spiders web of cracks did not obscure what was beyond, but it drew attention from the view ahead.
For me, the start of 2022 has been like one of those old cars with a manual choke. If it was cold or you weren't used to the eccentricities of the car, it was difficult to get going. It took a lot of effort. Whilst stuff around me has been going well, me, not so much.
And I've been trying to work out why. Why can't I just step boldly into a new year? Why am I hanging onto stuff I don't know what it is yet? Why am I really quite grumpy and my head a bit kerfuddled? Why is my mental health a bit shakey? Why can't I grab onto the good stuff happening right now and be excited and run with it? It's a relief, in many ways, to know its not just me - many of my colleagues in ministry are struggling just the same.
As I played with the photo of the broken glass and posted it on the instagram because it was pretty, I reflected on the blurriness of the picture beyond the lines of brokenness when the focus of the lens of the camera is on the cracks in the glass. The picture beyond looks fresh, looks good - the green of the grass looks welcoming and new...... but to get to the beyond, something needs to be done with the glass.
At the beginning of the pandemic in March 2020, it was like someone came along with a massive sledgehammer and smashed down the clear window that was giving clarity ahead. In the webs of glass remaining, in the smashed shards on the floor were questions and frustrations and unknowing and pain, and in dealing with all of those things, the web of brokenness has continued to remain.
Every bit of brokenness changes our view, and whilst the learning and beauty from that brokenness helps us walk into the next, the shattered glass - it leaves scars, it leaves stuff that needs to be cleared up.
Whenever someone has taken a sledgehammer to something, the clearing up takes longer than it took to make a mess. The pieces of the broken, the dust it leaves - it's found for a long time afterwards. Even when a new window is put in, the reasons for the breaking - they won't have gone away.
At the beginning of this year, that sledge hammer smashing is too close to have healed all the stuff that has gone on. The scars are still weeping, the view - it's still blurred - the focus keeps switching to bringing peace to what's gone.
As we step into the future, there is healing to be done.
I don't know why all that has happened has happened. I don't know why things are such a mess. I don't know why someone wanted to smash up that bus stop. I don't really know why the shattered glass is distracting me. I don't know why all is a challenge right now....
I do know however, that God is a God of healing. I do know that he is the God who restores. I do know that on the cross that though all was broken, in that brokenness all was healed. I do know that that means the focus of the lens of the camera will eventually be skewed towards the hopeful view beyond....
And I do know that whilst the focus is on the shattered glass, that the Holy Spirit brings peace and gently applies healing balm - in the stinging, in the soothing, in the levelling, in the making...... that view beyond. It will come.
