"Did living under the shadow of his high achieving wife lead to unthinkable tragedy? Details emerge of the tensions behind the picture perfect lives of the Epsom College head and her husband who "killed her and their daughter before turning the gun on herself"
This is a Daily Mail headline this morning (11th Feb 2023). The reporter is commenting on the murder of Emma Pattison, head of Epsom College and daughter, Lettie, committed by her husband, George Pattison, who then went on to kill himself.
This story has made the headlines, unlike other stories of women who have been murdered by their partners, because of the position that Emma Pattison held at Epsom College. She was a woman with a high profile. A woman who has achieved a lot in life. A woman who was a leader and an example to others. A woman who was trying to be all she could be.
And because of that, journalists have decided that it is time to discuss whether she brought it upon herself because of her ambition and status. I have (reluctantly) read the article and other accompanying articles, and it gets worse than the headlines. I really hate the Daily Mail, but I know so many who read it.... so sometimes, like today, I dig in a little - just to see (a little disclaimer there).
So... how do we respond to this? What do we do with this?
At the moment I'm fuming, to be honest, in the knowledge that I know people who are full of love who choose to read this paper with all of this stuff. I am fuming knowing that this isn't just what came to the front of this one journalist's mind, but is a rhetoric that has run throughout history and is something that runs in all spheres of life, including the church. It is a rhetoric based on power struggles nobody asked to have and it is a symptom of our fallen world, where in Genesis 3 we see the created partnership of human beings distorted, as the first people turned away from God, and power and control came into play.
But what can we do with all of this?
We can get angry, yes. We can call it out.... but there are other things we can do too, and one thing we can do is keep reminding women that it is not their fault....
So here's the reminder....
It's not about what you wear, or what you have done or what you have said. It is not about what you do for a job or your level of knowledge on the things you have studied. It is not about whether you returned that call when you couldn't or weren't answering the text when you were talking with your friends. It is not about whether you have money or are relying on the provision of others. It is not about whether you are struggling with health or caring for someone who can't. It is not about whether you remembered to pick up shopping today or had the tea cooked at exactly the right time. It is not because you walk home alone or like to go running. It is not because you disagreed or had an opinion. It is not because you pick your teeth or play your music too loud.
It is not your fault. It's not you.
Our God is a God of life and not death, of flourishing and not diminishing.
Our God created human beings with potential and gifting, and we glorify him when we work to thrive in the fields he has called us to.
Don't let the blame game, the power games, hold you back from being all you can be.
It is not your fault. It's not you.
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