My car fits more elephants in than your car......

I love numbers. Of course I do, I love maths, and although a lot of maths contains no numbers, there is not much more beautiful than getting a complicated problem down to a single digit answer that sits there hanging on the page like it had never been wrapped up in the complexity of the equations it was hidden in. 

I love irrational constants like pi and e and phi. They sit in the world and although unrecognised a lot of the time they are the dependable ones that keep everything in balance and working. 

But the way we use numbers bothers me, not least in church. They are rarely, in the every day, used just for their own beauty but they describe quantities and make comparisons and measure failure and success. They measure worth and purpose and they give something to aspire to as we consume them one by one, counting fast to show just how great we are. 

I taught a sixth former who one day came in and threw his bank statement on the table, there to show the class just how much he was worth. As we talked through the struggle of paying for university he pointed out that it was OK for him, he had more than enough. His worth counted in pounds and pence made his dream possible... so he dreamed.

The bigger salary, the square footage we inhabit, the scores on the exam sheet, the calories in my food, the number of facebook friends and the number of elephants you can fit in a car... all signs of success, apparently. 

The fishing for numbers as you are approached at a conference - 'what's your church like..... well... how big?'

How big. How big. How big. 

How many came to that event you put on? Well I had 10 times more. And him over there with those fantastic boots.... well he had 10 times that. 

What frustrates me about this culture of numbers being all is that it buys into the materialism we'd like to reject. The more you have the better you are, the bigger your house, the better you've been, the more people who've turned up, the more successful you are. 

And there is nothing wrong with being excited about numbers, but when it becomes the all in all.... there is. Having it all is not all and everything. The context matters, the quality matters, the community built matters and the embedded culture matters. The quality of our relationships with Jesus matters. 

So let's stop our one-up-personship and focus on where we are following in is ways. Let's stop jumping on the bandwagon of the success of another and build Jesus-centred community that is deeply embedded in our context - be in it for the marathon, not the sprint. Let's stop spewing out meal after meal of fast food on a tray and spend time building relationships round a family dinner table. 

And then perhaps we might measure our success by the quality of our relationships with Jesus and with those of who join us at the table (and yes I do hope to see that table get longer and longer as others join in and get to know Jesus as lives are transformed - I love a big table.... ). 

Are we still growing in faith? 

If the answer is yes, now that's good news. 

"He must increase, I must decrease" - John 3:30

When the wind blows....

There has been a picture being shared on social media in the last couple of days man casually mowing the grass as a tornado looms behind him. It can be found here.

The story is, that mowing the grass was on his to-do list. His wife had gone for a nap leaving him to get on with it. His daughter noticed the change in the weather and went out to tell him, but he decided to carry on mowing because that was what was on his schedule. He told her he had his eye on the tornado.

What would you do in that situation?

Carry on with the to-do list despite the tornado?

Go inside and wait to see what happens?

Wind is a mighty thing.

A few months ago, in the middle of a sermon, just at the right time our fire exit blew loudly open and made everyone jump. 

Wind has the potential to do the unexpected, to change the course, to enable a tin can to roll up hill and cause chaos and devastation. It has, I watched in Beauty and the Beast last week, the potential to open up the way to a frightening but promising new life......

John 3:8 says this:

"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from, or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."

That tornado could have changed direction. That tornado could have caused destruction..... Yet the man carried on with his to do list, because that's what he had always done.

Yesterday was Pentecost Sunday. On that first Pentecost I'd imagine that the arrival of the Holy Spirit was as shocking as a tornado (even though they were expecting it). The disciples were ready and prepared for it and were waiting. Their chores paused for that time....

The man in the tornado story carries on doing his to-do list - his default - his normal - keeping an eye out but not prepared to stop and think. 

Sometimes we can all be a bit like that - our to do list is done whatever is around..... 

But.... then the tornado changes direction and we miss it as we resolutely stand firm in our ways and in the past. 

Perhaps there are times when we need to pause from our to-do list - our normal - our default - and watch and see and feel where the wind is going. Watch and see and feel where the Holy Spirit is leading us. 

Times are changing. Churches are changing (where they are willing to).... and we've all got to ask ourselves the question - what are we going to be doing? 

Are we going to be resolutely carrying on mowing the lawn, or are we going to stop, pause and watch and wait, listening and then moving to where the Spirit is leading us?  

I want to fly

I regularly walk down paths and walk past other paths and think 'I wonder where that goes?' and then carry on in my normal direction. If I am going somewhere that's OK - it wouldn't make sense to take a different path if I didn't know where it went. However, if, like yesterday, I am just going for a walk to clear my head, the 'wonder where that goes' can be answered. 

So yesterday I did. I didn't go the way I normally go, I turned sharply left, up steep steps to the top of a small hill I've never climbed before. It wasn't that exciting. It didn't take me where I expected it to, but I did it - I didn't just wonder, I went. 

When I got to the top of the hill the path came out from the woods into a field - a field that I've walked in before but never found the path to the wood. As I walked through the field the path system began to make sense. I knew where I was going, but was disappointed to end up where I had been just fifteen minutes ago. My loop walk was not a loop any more. 

Before I ended up where I had been, I saw a movement in front of me. The swift flapping of wings which then stopped. A butterfly had landed on the floor in front of me. It wasn't a colourful butterfly, but it was a butterfly - perfectly formed and beautiful. 

Butterflies seem to be the theme of the month. I have two laminated pictures of butterflies I've picked up at things I've been to. I seem to be collecting a lot of clothes with butterflies on and the new beautiful coat I have just bought has butterflies on the inner lining that I didn't notice until I had bought it. 

Butterflies speak of freedom. They speak of hope. They speak of new life - a new life that is released from the boundaries of the chrysalis that came about after a seemingly long lifetime of leaf munching. They speak of a life on the wind that blows wherever it will. When I see a dead butterfly although I admire its beauty, I mourn the loss of its ability to ride on the wind. 

Butterflies remind me that even in the most monotonous of things (leaf munching) there is hope of something better. They remind me that even where something looks dead (the chrysalis) there is hope of new life. In the human created systems that restrain us to how things 'should' be done we miss the freedom that that hope brings. Too often our systems institutionalise us and leave us in a place where leaf munching seems best or where we want to keep warm and safe in our chrysalis and we miss the beauty of hope. 

Yet when we let go we can ride on the wind. I love that. I don't want to be constrained or held back because of what we like doing now. I don't want to be stuck inside a controlling and constricting chrysalis. I want to fly.

John 3:8 says this:

"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."

When we live with the freedom the Spirit brings we are able to take the path we are guided to even if we don't know where it is going and be confident in the knowledge that it's going to be OK because we can trust in God who brings the greatest hope and freedom we can ever dream of. 

It's not always easy, it's very risky, but to be released from that chrysalis brings new and exciting opportunity. I want to fly. I want to stop 'wondering if' and go with where God takes me.