Waiting for the waiting to end

 

The difficult thing about waiting is that waiting means waiting. 

Obvious, yes?

Well, yes, but it doesn't make it less frustrating/annoying/difficult/insert your own term here. 

We want things immediately. 

I really want the pandemic to be over now. 

I really want things to get easier now. 

I really want to not have to wait for the late person to turn up. 

I really want to get on with living life now. 

I really want to know the results now. 

I really want my friends suffering from long covid to find 'normal' life again

I really want to...... 

I really want everything to be made right now. I want poverty, sickness, pain, death to be no more. It is promised.... but it's not here yet. 

In our advent waiting the waiting is often hard. 

As Mary waits for the baby, I wonder what was going through her head. She visits Elizabeth, whose baby jumps for joy when he recognises who the baby is Mary is carrying and Mary sings a song of all the great things her baby will do, and then..... 

Waiting. 

She stays with Elizabeth for three months before she goes home, but then there is still more waiting to do. 

And, the words of that song, they haven't all been realised yet. 

We still live in a world where the wrong people are in power, where corruption continues, where hunger and poverty is an ongoing problem, where things getting better seem so far away. 

God's Kingdom has come, but it's also still coming. 

As the pandemic recovery seems to have hit a roadblock, we are reminded of how fragile things still are. And as we wait this one out to see what happens next, all we can do is try and stay safe and keep on praying. 

Because the waiting will end, we just might need to stay where we are for a while. 

And Mary said

My soul glorifies the Lord

and my spirit rejoices in God my saviour,

for he has been mindful 

of the humble state of his servant

And we say

My soul glorifies the Lord

and my spirit rejoices in God my saviour

Because he knows how frustrating the wait is

and he promises us better ahead

His mercy extends to those fear him

Just like to Mary, it does to us today

He has performed mighty deeds in the past

and he will perform mighty deeds in the future

He will overthrow those who are centred on themselves

He will bring down the rulers who are addicted to power

He will lift up those who feel like they are at the bottom of the pile

He will fill those who are hungry with all the good food (and in fact they will be hungry no more)

He will not let the rich hoard everything

He will bring the waiting to an end

And the future? Just you wait and see. 

He will bring glorious things. 

Image from pixahive

Advent Cancellations

 I've cancelled two parties today and I have thought about whether we should cancel anything else. I haven't made plans for January 2022 yet because I'm waiting to see what happens. I am hoping that my plans for Christmas and seeing family don't get scuppered. I'm trying to avoid knowing too much about what's going on as I am so frustrated and angry that it's come to Covid rules being stricter again and all the governmental chaos around that. I'm kind of oscillating between wanting to lock myself away or saying stuff it, let's just get on with living (I know, cautiously)..... And I am intermittently punctuating my day with goats that scream like humans (go on, do it, it will make you laugh.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlYlNF30bVg)

Someone suggested a zoom party today. Remember zoom parties. A lovely novelty for a time, but not what we really want. Like zoom quizzes. OK for one or two, but then.... 

When you are sat on your own partying with boxes on screens it'll do, but it's not the greatest of experiences (well it depends who you are on zoom with I suppose - there have been some zoom parties that have been an experience of fun..... ). 

Now, I know we don't have to cancel parties, but it makes sense that if we are being encouraged to avoid one another at work work that we avoid one another in too much work play too. But the Christmas build up without too much fun - I'm not up for it this year really, but I'm telling myself I can do it..... I'm fortunate in some ways that my work means that I need to see people, I can't not see people, it's the very nature of what we do. I even saw people in the first, strict and well adhered to lockdown of March 2020 when we were making sure that people had enough food. We can still worship in person and we can still continue the work we are doing through support groups and all the other stuff, but it all feels a bit precarious. 

It's chaotic, all of this. It leaves us unsettled, fearful, frustrated. We need a way of finding peace, finding a settled place, of laying it all down and simply appreciating the bits of life that we do have that bring us joy (like goats that scream like humans). None of us wanted this to happen again, but here we are. We need to make sure we're caring for other people - those who are vulnerable in our communities, those who are working in frontline services, particularly the NHS right now..... those who have far more to deal with than we can ever imagine. 

Where do we find peace in amongst all of this? Where did Mary and Joseph find peace in amongst the chaos of that first time of waiting? 

They found peace in what they knew. They knew that God is good, that he keeps his promises, and that when he came to earth as a human, it would change the world forever. As they went through the difficulties of pregnancy, of the scandal of pregnancy before marriage, of journeying to Bethlehem when heavily pregnant, of working out what life was going to live like now, of fleeing for fear of their life to Egypt, then these were things that they would have kept coming back to. 

How can we find peace in what we do know? 

Well we know that taking care, distancing, wearing masks, being vaccinated - it all makes a difference. Whatever the force of the new variant, these things will make a difference, even if it sounds like a monster. 

We know that we can manage this because we've managed it before, and whatever happens next, we will continue to be able to do so. It might get worse before it gets better, but it also will get better. It won't go on forever. 

Although we don't know as much as we would like to know, the scientists working on all this know much more about Covid-19 than they have before. They will get on top of this and help us work our way through. 

And we know, like Mary and Joseph, that God is good. In the incarnation we see Word become flesh, God moves into the neighbourhood. He moves in next door. He moves in and sits by us and parties with us when it has to be on zoom. He brings peace where all is in chaos. He promises a better future where this will be no more. He promises so much more. He keeps his promises. In a world of mistrust and insecurity, we can hold onto His Word. 

Immanuel. God is with us. 

"Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel."  Isaiah 7:14

Image from flickr

I love it when a plan comes together

"In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them..... maybe you can hire the A Team..... "

The A Team - reminds me of my childhood TV watching. A crime fighting team of ex-military men running from the military themselves, it was full of ideas and plans and action and all of those things that make a good TV show but don't hurt too much. The leader of the A Team was Hannibal and he was the one who had the plans, but the plans didn't always work out the way he expected, but he had a catchphrase which I say often, because it's the truth of all I aim for when trying to make something work....

"I love it when a plan comes together"

I do. I love it when a plan comes together. In the initial stages of the plan it doesn't seem like it will work, and even whilst whatever it is is happening, the plan shifts all the time, but in the end, so often all the jigsaw pieces come into place, and the plan, it works and I can be satisfied with what I have done. 

One of the things that I love about the story of Jesus coming to earth and moving into the neighbourhood is how everything comes together in such a beautiful interweaving way. It becomes perfect, and is so brilliant, and makes me jump a little inside with excitement. 

I love that you can read the Bible and from the very beginning, there are signs of the Messiah to come, that however broken things get, however much things fall, that all will be made whole again. In the fragments of paradise left after Adam and Eve leave the garden, the signs begin to unfold. Through the stories and the prophets and the overarching narrative, we see the journey towards this moment when the Saviour is born. 

It reminds us that however chaotic things feel right now, however difficult, however perplexing (I spend half my life perplexed), however frustrating, however irritating, that one day, despite all that is around, the overarching story of hope and salvation is realised. 

I love it when a plan comes together. And this.... it's the best plan of all. 

"All this took place to fulfil what the Lord said through the prophet...." Matthew 1:22

Image from flickr

Pressing Pause

Joseph tried to escape today. Crocheted Joseph who has been on a bit of a journey (again) around New Addington and beyond. He jumped out of my handbag and disappeared for a while. It wasn't until I was heading out to do a delivery of mystery things I realised that Mary and the donkey were Josephless. 

Before I did my delivery I thought I'd check at home and, as I often do when I pop in, I didn't drive onto my driveway so that I didn't have the faff of reversing out or in. 

And it's a good job I didn't, because there was Joseph, face firmly planted in the driveway concrete, ready to be run over if I did. 

The big question of the day is how he ended up there? I'm normally so careful and check that nothing escapes. It seems appropriate, though, that the day in my advent readings, that Joseph is troubled about the whole pregnancy situation, that crochet Joseph escapes. 

You would wouldn't you? Your fiance turns up and tells you that she's pregnant and God did it, and you haven't been ever that close to one another for you to be the father.... if you were in the handbag finding this out, you'd jump out - at least that would be your first instinct - this is a sticky situation to be in. It doesn't look good. Even if Joseph can accept it what will the family and the community think? 

In many a sticky situation, our first instinct is to run, to quit, to hide, to give up, to escape. I've felt it when things have been hard. It would be easier wouldn't it not to face up to difficult decisions and or to not try and work out how to deal with the situation you are in? 

But, in many a sticky situation, to run is not the answer. It might be a quick fix, it might get you out of the place, but it doesn't help those still stuck there, and in the long run, it might take you to a place where you know you are not meant to be. 

If Joseph had run, it wouldn't have helped Mary. In fact, she'd have had to face the consequences alone and they were not good (stoning was one option) and Joseph loved her too much. 

So Joseph doesn't run, he thinks about it, and somehow he manages to sleep, and in his sleep he finds out that what Mary says is true, and because of that he realises he has to stay put and work it through. 

When we're in flight mode, a pause can make all of the difference. 

A pause to breathe

A pause to think about what the truth is about the situation you're in

A pause to rest your mind

A pause to find clarity of thought

A pause to talk it through.

A pause to pray.

For Joseph, that pause meant that he could be in the place with the people he was meant to be. For us, that pause might mean learning to thrive despite the sticky situation we find ourselves in because the promises of the future look a bit brighter, or it might mean knowing that it's the right decision to walk away, with a clarity you might not get with an 'I'm going to run' confuddled mind....(note walk away, not run, walk sensibly knowing you've made the right call)..... 

So in that moment, before you jump out of the handbag and end up faceplanted on my driveway, pause, count to 10, sleep on it..... and when you've done that, the decision that you make will be far better conceived and you might just end up in a better place where you are (or somewhere else, maybe). 

"But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream....." Matthew 1:20

Image from flickr

Fearing the next

 

Every few days, I get a little afraid. I unpack a little white plastic thing with a QR code and two holes, one bigger than the other, I take the little silver thing off the top of the clear plastic container with a bit of liquid in. I take a swab from its wrapper trying not to touch the soft end, and then I stick it up my nose, rub it around a bit and then sneeze very loudly, repeat, stick it in the clear plastic container with liquid, spin it, squeeze it, trash it..... put the lid on and then drip drip into the white plastic thing..... and wait 15 minutes. 

Yes, it's the lateral flow test.... and the fear comes in the waiting.... will there be one line, will there be two, or will it be like when you pour fruit shoot on it and it all goes a bit wrong. Thankfully, (please let it always be thankfully), it's been, each time one strong pink line. And when that one line comes, peace reigns. 

But the fear is there. There is a lot to be fearful of at the moment, and as people, as a nation, as the world, we're living in a constant state of anxiety. We spend each day holding on and hoping. We react in different ways - we shout at each other, we hide away quietly, we deny it's even happening, we panic for the future..... 

We all know the reality of being afraid. The idea of life turning upside down in the blink of an eyelid is something that we all have become familiar with as we have felt the solid ground torn from underneath our feet. The unknowing of tomorrow feeds into today. 

But what do we do with this fear? We can't live with it forever. 

The story of waiting in the Bible is full of fear (normally when an angel turns up in an unexpected place). The unknown, the shock, the anticipation of the future, it all brings fear. From Zechariah's encounter with an angel in the temple, to Mary's meeting with Gabriel in her house to the shepherds on the hillside. 

And what does that angel say? 

"Do not be afraid"

How can they not be afraid? How does telling someone not to be scared help them? 

Well it's what happens next. Instead of living within the fear, the angel goes on to tell them what will happen next and what they have to do with the information they are given. 

That doesn't mean that they didn't go on feeling anxious about the future, but it meant that they found peace amongst the world turning upside down that would help them to deal with the what next. 

For Mary, her life would change forever, but once her whys and hows were answered, she could commit to making steps forward because she trusted in what was happening next. 

How can we learn from Mary to deal with the fear that we face?

It has a simple beginning..... we can first admit that the fear is there. The angel said 'don't be afraid' and Mary didn't say 'I'm not', she listened to what the angel had to say. The first step in dealing with how we are feeling is admitting that we are feeling this way. We might find there are others who feel the same. One of the greatest comforts during the pandemic has been knowing that others understand. The angel understood Mary's fears and took them seriously, explaining what was going to happen and helping her understand. It wasn't that Mary felt right at that moment it was going to be alright and simple - it was clear she didn't - she ran away to Elizabeth's for reassurance and to be cared for...... but she faced it knowing she was understood, which enabled her to say yes. 

And once we have admitted the fear is there we can bring it all to God. Mary trusted in God. Her answer to the angel's declaration that God's word never fails showed that. One of the best pieces of advice I have been given this year when I have been fearful is that that is what prayer is all about (yeah, I should know this, but sometimes in the feelings of fear I forget), that where I can't change things, I can lay them at God's feet....and in laying them at God's feet, whilst they don't go away, I can leave them there and I can find peace as I trust them to him. 

And what to do with what comes next? The things that make us fearful won't necessarily have gone away, but facing them with help within the fear makes things easier to bear.

"Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary....." Luke 1:29-30a

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" 1 Peter 5:7

image from Pixabay

How can I be sure?

When I was a maths teacher, the response when I told people what I did was far too often 'I was never very good at maths'. Turns out they were probably not so bad, but the whole thing with maths at school is there is often a right or a wrong answer and we don't like being wrong - so when we get wrong we think we're a bit rubbish. Actually getting things wrong in maths helps us to learn how to get it right next time. It's OK to get it wrong as long as we learn from that. 

I love how sure you can be in the answer in maths. You can go back and check it, and double check it again, but you know that that number or equation you get at the end is sure to be right. There aren't many questions in life that you get such a sure answer to. 

Being a Baptist minister raises different things. The pupils in my year 9 class the year I left had a number of questions which included 'how can you give up all this money' and 'you baptise adults, do you baptise them naked?'. 

I don't often get such strange questions these days, but I do get asked 'how did you know that that was the right thing to do'. Because God led me here is the answer. 

How can I be sure of that? 

It's difficult isn't it, sometimes, to try and work out how we can be sure of where God is calling us or whether something is what God is saying in response to us. It's often a case of pushing doors and seeing which ones open wide, or trying things out and working your way through. Listening and following the call of God is not always like a maths question where you can go back to the beginning to check if you got the right answer. 

Or do we overthink it too much?

Often, as we look back, we can see how through our life circumstances, through what we have seen happen in our lives, through the relationships we've built and through the things that have been said how we can be sure, and in looking back we can be more convinced about where we are stepping in the future. 

I keep an intermittent journal and it is when I look back at what I have written and what has happened or been said to me that I see how I got to where I am and where I should go next. There is surety in the consequences of my decision making. There is surety in what happens next. There is surety in what I feel God is saying and the signs that are laid out in front of me. I've found surety in rainbows and robins, in random strangers and in things I've seen as I've been out and about. The answer is sure, because on the journey the jigsaw pieces have come together, and they could only come together in that way because of God. Whenever I question whether I'm in the right place right now doing the right thing God will say, hang on a minute - take a look at this - be sure, it all makes sense even if it doesn't seem to when you overthink it..... 

How can I be sure? 

Because God. 

In the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth, Zechariah asks this same question - 'How can I be sure?' - it doesn't make sense - they're old - Elizabeth is too old to have a baby. The Angel Gabriel says.... well..... because God. 

As Zechariah overthinks the idea of pregnancy at their age, the angel makes the answer simple..... because God. 

And that's the thing with faith..... faith is about stepping out into the unknown but with surety that it is the right thing, otherwise you wouldn't step out. It's about not overthinking the strangeness of stepping out into a strange place, but just doing it, knowing that God will hold you fast. Surety is not as far away as we might think.

In a world of uncertainty, to be sure (apart from in maths and other similar things) is a bit strange, but this story reminds us that we can find surety...... 

Because God.

In the unsureness of whatever you're struggling with right now, maybe, like Zechariah, the time might have come to stop with the overthinking, and look up to God and say 'what next? Show me how to be sure'. 

'Zechariah asked the angel, “How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years.”' Luke 1:18

He's Coming (no, I'm not talking about Santa)

 

Last night, after a spontaneous decision to just go for it after craving live orchestral music, I went to see the BBC Symphony Orchestra and Chorus 'Christmas Tales'. The performance included Saint Nicolas by Benjamin Britten, which tells the story of the Saint, who did a number of miracles in his life. One of the stories told in the piece is when he brought back to life three boys who had been cut up and pickled in brine by a butcher whose name wasn't (but probably should have been) Sweeney Todd.

Anyway..... 

The first part of the music that really made me smile was the depiction of his birth. The chorus, telling the story, sang, 

"Nicolas was born in answer to prayer, and leaping from his mother's womb he cried:"

Then a boys voice sang out from the back of the hall "To God be glorified". 

The words then go on to tell the story of Nicolas growing up and how he spoke (sang) of the glory of God wherever he went. That voice from the back of the hall punctuating every bit of the story with glory to God. At the end of the birth section the chorus cries out "Nicolas will be a saint". He rescues sailors caught up in a storm, is made Bishop by the people and the story continues, most famous for his generosity to the poor which many believe began the legend of Santa Claus. 

In the story of St Nicholas, in all the mix up of myth and truth (no one actually knows much about him that is an undisputed fact - he was born, he was Bishop of Myra), we see something of a man who was trying to live a life that did glorify God. In the stories of change, of standing his ground, of helping and caring for those who were in need or had fallen, we see a man whose life pointed and spoke of what he believed, which, naturally points to the one we are waiting for at Advent. The Santa Claus thing - whilst now it distracts us (no, Santa is not a character in the nativity), comes from a place of trying to be Christ's light in the world. 

At the beginning of the Biblical story of Christ's life we find a man who we wouldn't be surprised if when he was born he immediately sang out "To God be glorified". John the Baptist. An answer to the prayers of Elizabeth and Zechariah, conceived far later in their lives than a baby might normally be conceived, created with one task to do, which was to declare that God will be glorified - Jesus is coming. 

As the story of Elizabeth and Zechariah switches from despair to hope, we find our Advent focus moving from waiting and watching to waiting and declaring..... first in a quiet voice, a small voice from the balcony, but the volume will be increased as the story goes on. 

"To God be glorified....." 

He's coming..... (and no, I'm not talking about Santa). Get ready. 

"And he will go on before the Lord..... to make a people prepared for the Lord" Luke 1:17