Today is World Mental Health Day. It's a day when social media is covered in green ribbons and the words 'It's OK not to be OK' and 'If you need to talk I am here for you' are probably some of the most popular if you did some sort of phrase of the day algorithm to work out what people are interested in today. It's a day when we are reminded of the many many people who live every day with mental illness and we are encouraged to see what we can do to support them and raise awareness as well as look after our own mental health. It seems appropriate today then, that I write this blog. I live and serve in a community where a number of people suffer with significant mental health issues. For the past 18 months I've been learning on the job how to walk with, support and care for those for whom most days are a challenge and how to try and help them to access the help I've needed. Over the past 20+ years I've been walking with close friends who have faced significant challenges when it comes to their own mental health. Last month I went on Mental Health First Aid Training and I suddenly realised how much learning I have already done when I found I wasn't learning very much new.
So I thought I would share something of what I have learnt as I have walked with people who have struggled with their mental health.
1) Everyone is different
Those who have poor mental health are all different. Some are very quiet about it. Some will talk about it all the time. For some it is clear that they are struggling because of the attention they are giving to other people. For some it becomes clear because their attention turns on themselves. Some have back stories so difficult and horrific that you just want to cry and shout. Some suffer because of a result of a traumatic illness. Some are keen to access as much help as they can. Some are determined to go it alone. Some can be really very nasty. Some can be the most compassionate people you've ever met. Some appear to cope so well you wouldn't even know they were ill.
Everyone is different. On World Mental Health Day let us celebrate one another's uniqueness and look for what support those individuals we know need as we try and walk with one another.
2) The Support offered is not good enough
Mental Health Services are underfunded and in a right mess. You sit with someone, you talk to them, you ask them all the questions you need to ask. You suggest they need to get help, you try and help them access the help.
Then you hit a brick wall.
The theory of getting help is there, but the resources aren't. NHS mental health services are stretched further than we thought stretching was possible and the voluntary and community organisations that encounter people in crisis are trying to make that stretch stretch even further. The focus is on emergency care, but without the underlying structures that can effectively help on an ongoing basis, the focus can only be on fire fighting and not healing.
I have no idea what we do about this - but surely on world mental health day we need to be putting some pressure on the government to fund mental health services properly - that will be more effective in the long term than saying 'I'm here if you need to talk' (although that is still a good and important thing to say).
3) Covid-19 has affected everything
The pandemic has only made things worse - which is expected. It's not just the closing down of services, it's the confusion in the information. We don't know what support groups are able to run from one week to the next. New guidelines are leaked to the media before they are announced and then the details are not put in place until after the guidelines come in. Music and Arts which are key to so many people's mental health have effectively been side-lined by our Government response and the way ahead looks grim.
The pandemic has affected the mental health of even the most mentally healthy people, and in amongst that we are not able to do those things that keep us balanced.
I am not sure what we do about this either, as we need to keep social distancing and following the guidelines when we know what they are, but on world mental health day perhaps we need to consider ways that we can help one another to do things that promote positive mental health within the guidelines instead of holding back from doing anything at all. My choir started back this week and I know it's good for my mental health, I know it is done in a Covid secure way, I know it is allowed, but I also know of people who want to shout at me (stop shouting at one another, please).
4) Boundaries are Important
We cannot support people with mental health issues if we don't put up boundaries. Set a limit on the number of phone calls, set a day off in stone, set a social media boundary - use the post sharing privacy settings, turn off messenger, leave the groups that get you frustrated, don't walk with people alone. Eat cake (but not too much). Get out in the fresh air. Walk like walking is going away tomorrow (I really hope not). Be aware of your own trigger points and walk away if its too much.
When your sink is emptied, find someone or something to put the plug back in and fill it to the brim again.
On World Mental Health Day look after your own mental health.
5) There is always hope
Committing to support someone who struggles with their mental health is a commitment to a long walk - there are no easy and quick fixes, but there is hope that when the right support is finally found that the way ahead will become easier. For some it will be a rockier road than others, for some the way ahead may be so blurred it seems impossible, for some the management of life and mental health will constantly be a balancing act.
But
There is nothing more beautiful than standing at a friends wedding hearing her new husband talk of her amazing amazingness knowing the journey she has got to be there.
On World Mental Health Day find stories of hope.
6) Walking alongside people with poor mental health is walking in the ways of God.
I have never forgotten the day that my eyes were opened to the story of Jonah in the Bible as a story of mental health. He faces an incredibly difficult challenge that he doesn't want to be involved in, and so he retreats, he goes down into the depths of the sea, he runs away. The description of Jonah's descent to the depths and the time in the stomach of the big fish could be a metaphor of the experience of someone who struggles with depression. The gentle care that God gave him at that time, whilst still encouraging him to see that there was a way through this and that he could face what life would bring ahead, is an example of the gentle care God calls us to give. He rescued him from the depths, he gave him time to deal with how he felt, he helped him through some effective cognitive behavioural therapy, he showed him a way ahead and he never left him to deal with life alone.
"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand" Psalm 42:1-2
