On arrival at the year that seemed so far away

At the end of 2019 the trend of offering the creation a photo book that rips your photos from your social media with underlining captions appears to be the advertisement of choice. It’s an interesting exercise to do if you are an over-poster like me because it gives an overview of in-the-moment comments and photos that tell the story of a year that has brought all sorts of changes and challenges both in my personal life and in the life of just about everyone I know (unless you have been hiding in a box). The cost of those books once formed is another challenge probably not to be faced but for a moment it creates a time to reflect. 

On the 1st January 2019 the next 365 days stood solid before me with a number of challenges to face - some expected and just about controllable, some expected but beyond the control of most of us and some completely unknown. It’s been a year of change and celebration, a year where work has overtaken my life in ways I never thought work could and a year of what only can be described as chaos in this country that is seeking to find a new identity within parameters that can’t currently hold what it is. 

Underlying all of this is a holding on..... a holding on to what grounds us, what keeps us upright and what keeps us steady. For me my holding on has come through song - particularly through the songs of Lauren Daigle who has reminded me again and again of my own capabilities, gifting and worth in God as the punches and stumbling blocks have raised their ugly heads. The holding on has also come through the small things - and the story my Instagram book of the year tells - in amongst the working too hard and the change and those around me losing their heads as I try to keep mine - is this story.  A story of baking and bucket lists and shoes and giant strawberries.... an impressive collection of ikea pencils and the roses that brought joy at the right moment.... glorious skies with burnt orange sunsets and glittery antlers that hardly left my head in the week leading up to Christmas..... a story of love and of friendship, of stoicism (I even bought a badge) and keeping on keeping on.... that in a year of being kept me on track. 

In some ways 2020 has crept upon me. It hadn’t occurred to me that it was the end of a decade - the year with a number that somehow makes me feel both happy and uneasy (perhaps reflecting my general state of being right now) has just appeared, like a hidden peak on this hill I’ll be climbing over this year. 

2020 starts with a month left before all change. It starts with a January to bask in the EU we belong to before it begins to be peeled away, not like a sticking plaster but like a TK Maxx label where you manage to get everything removed but the price. 

2020 will see us holding on tight to what keeps us steady - one another - the small things that bring us joy - the moments of hope - the songs that unite - the places that we trust enough to call home. 

2020 for me I hope will see me getting used to this life I’ve been called to.... and I hope will see a bit more stability than the last year has brought. I imagine that it will bring further challenges I have never encountered before as I work with people affected most acutely by austerity measures, uncertainty and the fall out from Brexit. 

2020 sees me climb over the hill, have my name on a book as editor (that’s exciting!) and enter into the pastry section of my gbbo baking challenge. I’m hoping it will see me join a choir and find my identity in the south as a belonger not a temporary incomer whose heart is pulled northwards more often than expected.

2020 is going to be hard. The effects of Brexit are unknown but known to be very much hard work. The effects of our new government are unknown but I believe inevitably challenging as our democracy is picked apart at its very core. The effects on individual lives amongst the uncertainty..... incomprehensible. 

In amongst it all? 

We’ve got to try and stand together. We need to work for unity - to see all people as human and treat them that way. 

We need to become less selfish and more generous. Our tendency in times of uncertainty is to batten down the hatches but 2020 is not a year for that - it’s a year to stand on the hill we’re climbing over and ask where light needs to shine and sticking that lightbulb in to make a difference. 

We must pray, protest, challenge, speak out.... we’re not called to be passive observers in 2020, but to be people who participate - who make places of truth, justice and mercy and belonging that speak Hope in uncertainty and show another way. 

Happy new year. May it be far better than the outlook appears to predict at the end of 2019. 

“But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbour, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don’t take yourself too seriously - take God seriously”. - Micah 6:8 (Message version) 

A day like no other

Yesterday was a strange day. It started with the proroguing of parliament being ruled as unlawful (which brought joy in the midst of the morning), I saw a double rainbow just (as always) at about the right moment, I had a couple of conversations I wasn't expecting and caused me to turn to my brilliant network of trustworthy ones for advice and wisdom and then impeachment proceedings were being explored to begin against Trump just before I headed to bed. 

Some days are like that. But also no days are like that. We cannot underestimate the impact of what is going on in politics at the moment in the UK and the rest of the world on what is going to happen in the future. Where we don't think things can get more complicated, more complicated things happen. 

It all seems so big - so uncontrollable, that it affects our very being. How do we live in a world that is full of uncertainty? How do we make plans when we don't know what is going to happen tomorrow, never mind next year? 

We react in different ways - some of us bed in - take control of the things we can control - we make sure our own affairs are in order, take possession of the things that we perceive to matter most and become protective over our own life and space. 'Me first' becomes the mantra, and that affects our relationships with others. In some ways this is a reflection on the causes of the current political climate in the first place - making things better for me means shutting out anything that makes me feel uncomfortable. 

Some of us try to understand - we read - we try to problem solve - we tie ourselves in knots - we protest - we celebrate - we express our frustrations - we begin and join in social media conversations that are like carving through layers of hard rock with a blunt knife and fork. We find ourselves exhausted with the thinking we're doing and we lie down for while, waiting to get up again and find the way ahead. 

Neither of these ways of dealing with stuff completely satisfy. 

Bedding in doesn't mean that the problems go away. Bedding in doesn't help our relationships with others and makes us a little bit too insular. Although it might be comfortable, there is something about what is going on that niggles in our ear however much we try and shut it out. 

Trying to understand doesn't mean we'll ever arrive at understanding and leads to frustration as we discover more complications in the things that seemed simple. Trying to understand doesn't necessarily lead to solutions, and where we are able to make sense of what is going on, the niggle in our ear is that we're too far gone to get to somewhere better and the way out will be impossible to find. 

I've tried both. I've tried hiding from the news and I've tried staying up until 2am watching parliament debate (when it's been allowed to) so I can make sense of it all - but then I get frustrated and want to run and hide again..... we need to keep trying to understand, but we need to take care of ourselves, and so there are times for both - both searching and hiding, and in the search for the balance we'll find moments of peace. 

After the referendum I reflected on my disappointment with the result, and I asked the question 'how do I sing the Lord's song in a strange land?' - a question the Israelites asked when they were in exile in Babylon. I didn't know how but I knew I would not stop singing. 

And I haven't. I'm not going to a choir at the moment because the challenge of moving 252 miles has made finding a choir not the priority it should be, and although I know it would help me deal with all this, I don't feel ready to go there. However, even without those who stand singing with me, my singing has not stopped. 

Because, even in places of despair, there is always hope. Even in the deepest and darkest of places, the light gets in through the cracks. Because when we hear stories of hope - stories of justice being done - stories of love shared abundantly - stories of lives changed - we know that there is a way through, a way that is better beyond where we are now. 

And that is the Lord's song - helping us to know that however bad things get there is always hope. And while it may seems like pie in the sky sometimes and it might sometimes seem like I'm grasping and not catching - I know this hope that I have to be true - and that's what those rainbows, just at the right time, remind me. 

So in these strange days where tomorrow is a mystery and things are just a little bit confusing, hold on to that hope - look for the light, the love, the peace, the justice, the signs of promise, BE that light, that love, that peace - bring justice and depend on God's promises and that - that is what will get us through. 

"But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbour, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously - take God seriously" - Micah 6:8 (The Message)

What Next?

One of the joys(!) of waking up to Radio 4 in the morning is that I get to hear the news and I get to hear the Today programme try and unpick the news. This morning I woke up knowing what I would wake up to, and in an unusual turn of events I woke up when my alarm actually went off to the Today programme presenters asking again and again the big question that is on all of our lips:

'What Next?'

There have been timelines and flow charts and predictions and ideas. There have been opinions and dreams and wishlists and hopes. No deal, this deal, refined deal, people's vote, vote of no confidence, second referendum, general election, anarchy?

Nobody really knows right now - we're living in the moment - as we look ahead many of us don't see much at all.... and we hope that somewhere there is a plan. What will be, will be. 

What do we do with all this? What do we do with all this uncertainty? How do we keep on keeping on? 

We can choose to be very vocal about how we feel - like the gathering outside of parliament with its loud bells and whistles from both sides of the debate who rose in number yesterday and will rise in number today I'm sure as the momentum towards the no confidence vote tonight continues. It's OK to be vocal - it's good to be vocal - it's good to be passionate about how we feel. Protest is a legitimate release of emotion and anger and depth of feeling. We wonder what difference it will make.... but it matters because our voices matter. I will continue to sing songs of protest.....

But we've seen recently and over the course of history that protest can turn bad.... so we must think before we speak, we must be gracious with one another and listen to one another. We must be gentle with one another, as, even though undoubtedly, our voices matter, the way we treat and respect others matters too. Be nice in your protest. 

We can choose to hide our head in the sand. We can decide that nothing we do can make any difference. We put our fingers in our ears as we sing a loud song, laying down to the inevitable because it's going to happen anyway....

Now that's an easy, and in many ways legitimate reaction - 'keep calm and carry on'. It is not going to affect us much anyway..... we'll keep doing what we've always been doing and hope we can go on holiday to anywhere we want. 

However, there are many people that can't do this because what happens with Brexit affects their very well-being. While well off politicians advocate for the uncertainty of a no-deal that won't affect them and their life styles that much, there are ordinary people who are already feeling the effects of the changes that are coming and will feel them much more deeply in the coming months. 

So I don't believe doing nothing is ever the answer... while we are not all loud protesters who express their feelings through marches and speeches and blogs and articles, we all have a responsibility to understand the bigger picture as the government makes some of the biggest decisions that our government has made in a long time. 

We have a responsibility to look beyond the headlines of political infighting to the deeper issues beyond. Yesterday as you avoided the news because you were sick of Brexit you may have missed that there were some benefit rules changes were sneaked through on Monday night that will affect pensioners - particularly those who are at the lower income end are coming into force on the 15th May (read it here). How can we help those who are being left in poverty because there is not the money to ensure that they can live with enough for food, heating and rent? Perhaps our active response to the chaos in our country is to help those who are being left behind - whether it's those with little who are going to end up with less, whether it's those who had nothing already who are going to find themselves with less than nothing as their support is taken away, whether its those who have nowhere to go and nobody looking out for them..... as we walk into uncertainty, it is those who will suffer. 

We have a responsibility to be people of bridges not walls, who build relationships across divides; across cultural and social and political divides. Imagine if the government had worked in a cross party way on the Brexit negotiations instead of snapping at one another all the time? We might have come to a different outcome.... it would have been hard work with all the personalities involved.... but imagine if....? 

We need to model this alternative way of being in our own relationships - how can we re-build our broken bridges? How can we sit alongside an ardent no-deal brexiteer as an ardent snowflake remainer and listen with compassion and understanding? How can we sit down with that family member who just messes up everything for us all the time and build a relationship? How can we love unconditionally and despite....... How can we be more like Jesus?

We need to care for those who who are seen as 'the other' in our communities - who are, in many cases, worried about their own future and safety. The whole Brexit rhetoric has given rise to racism and intolerance and hostility.... how can we actively seek to make this country a safe place for all? To be out of Europe does not mean forming a toxic nationalistic identity without compassion and love for those who are different to us... how can we challenge those who want to create that?.... How can we be more like Jesus?

What Next?

To be honest, I really have no idea about the big Brexit picture, I have some ideas about what I think is right.... and I'm hoping that something good will come out of this.... but I'll be watching, in moderation as it can become overwhelming... and I'll be thinking about how I act as a consequence....

While the majority of us do not have a voice that is in the right places to make a massive difference to the Brexit negotiations.... our voices.... and ultimately... our actions.... they matter. What Next? Look beyond the headlines and care for those who don't make the headlines. Look beyond the headlines and look for those who are being left behind.... and be people, amongst all of this, of love, of justice and of mercy. Be more like Jesus.

And hold on. It's going to be a rocky ride. 

"And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God" - Micah 6:8