Facing the muddy path (happy!? new year)

"Mud, mud glorious mud. Nothing quite like it for cooling the blood. So follow me, follow. Down to the hollow and there let us wallow in glorious mud"

There is something about mud. If I was a hippo I would love to wallow in mud. That mud has been put there for a reason. That mud has been put there so that hippos can have fun and enjoy the moment. That mud being there makes the hippos appreciate the clean(er) water of the river when they have their daily wash. 

There is something about mud. It's slippy and slimey and there is the continued fear that you are going to get stuck. There are the 'this mud is going to go over the edge of my shoes' diversion through the brambles moments and the 'will my shoe extract itself moments'. 

Apart from in the hollows, mud is unique to a time and situation - it doesn't go on forever, so despite the secret enjoyment in its clarty glory, in moments of mild peril, the knowledge that dry ground is just around the corner makes the mud easier to deal with. 

My knees ache this morning because it's particularly muddy at the moment. I went for a walk yesterday and one of my biggest victories was not falling over in the mud. My shoes almost got stuck, the splashes of mud went a long way up my trousers, my coat is covered in mossy mud from squeezing through the oddest thin person styles you have ever seen and I have cuts on my hands from diving into the brambles to avoid the glorious mud. 

I ache beyond my knees this morning as we come to the end of 2020, a year where, since those first two carefree months, it has been like walking a long path of clarty mud with an end promised, but no idea of when we will catch more than a glimpse of what that end looks like. I ache in body and mind and soul. It's not been the glorious mud that the hippos enjoy because there has been no time (or inclination) to wallow and enjoy the qualities of the mud - this has been the kind of mud that if you stop you will sink - to keep our balance we've had to do some kind of socially distanced dance not around but over the patches that threaten to suck us down. 

Even the most thrive in a crisis people are exhausted by this constant walking through clarty mud. 

It's New Year's Eve, so time to look back and look ahead. It's New Year's Eve and the feeling of wanting to get rid of the horrors of 2020 is strong, but the knowledge that this path laden with mud continues to lay itself before us makes us want someone to invent a new machine that will help us glide across and away from the mud and not have to face the entry to 2021 with the fear of entering Mordor. 

How do we face the unknown of what's next? This is not the time to get excited and play in the mud, but that image of the clarty mud might get us somewhere. 

We need to take it slowly, put each foot down gently, don't rush. The only way we will avoid slipping is testing out the path ahead and we have to do that ourselves - gently. If we are fearful, we need to pause for a moment and breathe and gather our thoughts. If our grips on our shoes are not good enough right now, then stopping for a moment to re-equip is not time wasted. If when we put our foot down it sinks into the clart, our gentle steps will mean we can lift it before it gets stuck. 

We need to adapt, take a different direction for a while, reshape ourselves when we have to climb a stile that has more mud at the bottom and involves some kind of circus performer contortion to get through. Things will look different for a while. That doesn't meant that different has to become normal, but it does mean we have to deal with it in new ways. We might get stuck in the brambles but those wounds will heal and hurt less as time goes on. If avoiding getting stuck means a 2 mile detour, perhaps taking it can only be the best option. 

We need to take what is offered to help us through. If that's being given a break but that break means sitting on a cold, mossy rock, then take it - even if you can't switch off from the mud that surrounds. If that's being given shoes that don't suit, wear them for a while and try and thrive in the uncertain tasks ahead - we're not all made to re-train in cyber but we can try the best with the training available - incessantly being online is not forever. If it's an injection we know nothing about, but is the equivalent of the machine that will help us to glide over the mud, then get that arm out and offer it for puncture - ignore the stories that send you down a deeper muddier path and trust in the narrow stile to a better, less muddy field.

We need to hold onto the hope that this is not forever. The clarty mud will end, perhaps slower than we might have liked, but there will be a moment sometime soon when sitting on the sofa watching Gilmore Girls (or your choice of comfort activity) having had a long hot bath with none of that aching is not just a possibility but a reality. 2021, I hope, will bring the beginning of that process soon. We will have stories to tell, we will appreciate one another more, we will have a lot of healing to do and a lot of trauma to process, but it will come. There is light and it shines in the darkness. 

May your 2021 end better than it will begin. 

“If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God,
    “I’ll get you out of any trouble.
I’ll give you the best of care
    if you’ll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times;
    I’ll rescue you, then throw you a party.
I’ll give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation!”  

Psalm 91:14-16 (MSG)

Life is not a Google Map

I love a google map when I’m going on a journey. I lean on google map wisdom rather heavily and when (as it always does in Milton Keynes) the signal fails I feel bereft and slightly panicky. 

The thing about google maps is that it is better than reading an actual map because.....

- it really doesn’t take a lot of effort
- it will guide you without you having to develop a system of post it notes/very large passenger seat instructions/memory techniques etc to get you to your destination 
- and best of all it helps you to avoid obstacles/traffic jams/closed roads/crashes to get to your destination on time and will even reroute you if something unexpected turns up. 

I was sitting talking to a friend yesterday about life and how we deal with those times when something floors us because the getting knocked down and getting up again is really hard sometimes (despite how easy chumbawumba makes it seem). We reflected on how life is not like google maps. It takes effort, navigation isn’t always straight forward and that obstacles inevitably get in our way - often smacking us right in the face. 

Wouldn’t it be good if we could sail in through the google map way? The promises that many of us were made when we were growing up were that if we choose the right route it’ll be ok.... 

As we head into a new year with expectations perhaps, or a skeleton map -  as we long for a bit of simplicity and an obvious bit of direction - as the google map dream is only that and will never be anything more..... there is much more, we reflected, that we can rely on. 

Where we are worried that we are in and perhaps the cause of the mess of it all there are those around us who know us who can tell us what the true story is - listen to them - they may have something to say that will be better than the lost post it note. 

Where everything appears to have come to a halt or crashed due to no fault of our own - where we are limping or injured or simply at a loss, sometimes digging out takes time - it’s ok to pause for a while to deal with the debris around and sometimes the clear up takes longer than we might imagine. Sit still for a while and find the right people to sit by you and gradually work through all the stuff. 

When the way ahead is uncertain, take it one signpost at a time. Each wrong move, wrong turn, is a learning experience and retreating  to where you were before is not always a bad thing because a new route will present new opportunities.

And learn to trust - trust your own instincts - you may get lost for a while but you’ll find your way back..... trust those who know you - they may have seen exactly what you’ve missed..... and mostly - trust God - he knows better than all of us the way out of the stuff - and it might be the exact route that Google maps in its search for the easy obvious way  desperately wants you to avoid. 

May 2020 be a year of discovery, recovery, hope and blessing 

On arrival at the year that seemed so far away

At the end of 2019 the trend of offering the creation a photo book that rips your photos from your social media with underlining captions appears to be the advertisement of choice. It’s an interesting exercise to do if you are an over-poster like me because it gives an overview of in-the-moment comments and photos that tell the story of a year that has brought all sorts of changes and challenges both in my personal life and in the life of just about everyone I know (unless you have been hiding in a box). The cost of those books once formed is another challenge probably not to be faced but for a moment it creates a time to reflect. 

On the 1st January 2019 the next 365 days stood solid before me with a number of challenges to face - some expected and just about controllable, some expected but beyond the control of most of us and some completely unknown. It’s been a year of change and celebration, a year where work has overtaken my life in ways I never thought work could and a year of what only can be described as chaos in this country that is seeking to find a new identity within parameters that can’t currently hold what it is. 

Underlying all of this is a holding on..... a holding on to what grounds us, what keeps us upright and what keeps us steady. For me my holding on has come through song - particularly through the songs of Lauren Daigle who has reminded me again and again of my own capabilities, gifting and worth in God as the punches and stumbling blocks have raised their ugly heads. The holding on has also come through the small things - and the story my Instagram book of the year tells - in amongst the working too hard and the change and those around me losing their heads as I try to keep mine - is this story.  A story of baking and bucket lists and shoes and giant strawberries.... an impressive collection of ikea pencils and the roses that brought joy at the right moment.... glorious skies with burnt orange sunsets and glittery antlers that hardly left my head in the week leading up to Christmas..... a story of love and of friendship, of stoicism (I even bought a badge) and keeping on keeping on.... that in a year of being kept me on track. 

In some ways 2020 has crept upon me. It hadn’t occurred to me that it was the end of a decade - the year with a number that somehow makes me feel both happy and uneasy (perhaps reflecting my general state of being right now) has just appeared, like a hidden peak on this hill I’ll be climbing over this year. 

2020 starts with a month left before all change. It starts with a January to bask in the EU we belong to before it begins to be peeled away, not like a sticking plaster but like a TK Maxx label where you manage to get everything removed but the price. 

2020 will see us holding on tight to what keeps us steady - one another - the small things that bring us joy - the moments of hope - the songs that unite - the places that we trust enough to call home. 

2020 for me I hope will see me getting used to this life I’ve been called to.... and I hope will see a bit more stability than the last year has brought. I imagine that it will bring further challenges I have never encountered before as I work with people affected most acutely by austerity measures, uncertainty and the fall out from Brexit. 

2020 sees me climb over the hill, have my name on a book as editor (that’s exciting!) and enter into the pastry section of my gbbo baking challenge. I’m hoping it will see me join a choir and find my identity in the south as a belonger not a temporary incomer whose heart is pulled northwards more often than expected.

2020 is going to be hard. The effects of Brexit are unknown but known to be very much hard work. The effects of our new government are unknown but I believe inevitably challenging as our democracy is picked apart at its very core. The effects on individual lives amongst the uncertainty..... incomprehensible. 

In amongst it all? 

We’ve got to try and stand together. We need to work for unity - to see all people as human and treat them that way. 

We need to become less selfish and more generous. Our tendency in times of uncertainty is to batten down the hatches but 2020 is not a year for that - it’s a year to stand on the hill we’re climbing over and ask where light needs to shine and sticking that lightbulb in to make a difference. 

We must pray, protest, challenge, speak out.... we’re not called to be passive observers in 2020, but to be people who participate - who make places of truth, justice and mercy and belonging that speak Hope in uncertainty and show another way. 

Happy new year. May it be far better than the outlook appears to predict at the end of 2019. 

“But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbour, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don’t take yourself too seriously - take God seriously”. - Micah 6:8 (Message version) 

Facing the New Year

In the last scene of the film of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Hermione says to Harry and Ron;

"Everything is going to change now isn't it". 

After the unexpected ending of the Tri-wizard cup as Voldemort grows in strength, the three of them see that life is never going to be the same again. 

The Harry Potter films have been on the TV over the last few nights and I started by half watching them but now I am hooked again.... As I was watching the Deathly Hallows last night I wondered if Harry Potter would be able to save 2016...... he seems to find a way through all sorts of adversity. 

There has been a lot of good stuff happen in 2016, yes, but there has also been a lot of life changing and world changing stuff. The political climate is not the same as it was 12 months ago. As we look forward to 2016 being over we embrace the uncertainty of 2017 where the two big stories of the year - Brexit and Trump - will be rolled out in all of their uncertainty and unknowns. 

Everything IS going to change now...... 

2016 has been a rocky year where celebrity deaths have overshadowed the deaths of so many more in natural disasters, terrorist attacks and war. Where we have celebrated those humans we see as heroes because they have achieved some kind of success we have forgotten again those who every day struggle to exist in a world that is working against them. It has been a year where our Olympic success was made all the more successful because of immigrants who have chosen to call Britain home - and we celebrate them as we create a hostile environment to keep any immigrants out who can't give us anything similar....

2016 has been the year of post-truth. Where lies flashed about on social media have become more important than the voices of the experts who have an in-depth knowledge of their field. Where a president elect can say what he wants and then can delete it the next day, diverting our eyes and ears to another set of half truths.... so confusing we either put our whole selves in to believing everything or we become such cynics everything becomes a lie. 

I'm not sure 2017 is going to be any easier. As we watch the events of the world unfold and Toblerone loses more of its triangles and we grow in concern about the price of marmite I'm not sure we can predict much of what will be. 

Harry, Ron and Hermione kept going in the adversity of Voldemort's growing strength because of their commitment to the truth of what is good and what was right. It would have been easier to join in, but they did not. 

In the post truth world of 2017 - what should matter is not joining in because it's easier, but what should matter is the truth in which we are grounded in. If we live in a world grounded in lies then our foundations will only become more unstable. In the parable of the Wise men, Jesus talks about how if you build your foundations on the sand, eventually the storms will come and we will fall. However, if you build your foundations on the rock, eventually the storms will still come, but you will stand firm. In post truth society, what matters to me is that I am grounded in Christ - because it is in him I have certainty and it is in him I have truth. It is in him I know that there is more to life than the storms that are coming. 

Yes everything will change but....

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever" - Hebrews 13:8 

Happy new year (I think).

New year..... New day.

I love new year. Full of nostalgia and resolutions - a pause to look forward and reflect back. A chance to put to bed regrets and learn from mistakes.....

I hate new year. Full of nostalgia and resolutions - a pause to look forward and reflect back. A chance to revisit regrets and wonder why on earth they happened.....

I love new year. High expectations of fun. Party, laughter, dreaming, winning, good friends, family, fireworks. 

I hate new year. High expectations of fun when surely not everyone can want fun. Party going pressure, tears, remembering dreams that never came true, loneliness even in a room full of people. 

I love new year. This last year has been good. I've finished college, been ordained (best day ever), led my first baptismal service, dedicated a beautiful baby, passed all of my masters modules, celebrated with so many friends, adventured and journeyed, created and sparkled, sung and dreamed. Made new friends.....

I hate new year. For too many of my friends this year has been ridiculously hard and I have not known what to do or say to walk with them through it. For too many of them this new year is a hearty goodbye to what has been and a tentative step into the future..... 

I drove down to Derbyshire for new year today. As I drove I left behind howling wind and driving rain and as I came over the hills into the Peak District, there before me was the most glorious sunset. Behind me, darkness, before me promise of an ending and a new beginning that is more beautiful than anything that has gone before. 

I'm a bit ambivalent when it comes to new year. It's overrated, a bit stressful and slightly irritating, but I celebrate it because it makes us stop, pause, reflect and dream. I've had a great year and am looking forward to 2016 which already promises to begin well..... And I'm going to enjoy seeing it in with a good friend.

But, more than that..... the beautiful sun setting on 2015 after the dark remnants of the storm and the fact that it will rise again tomorrow reminded me of this..... That light shines even in the most dark of places...... And that is something definitely worth celebrating.... 

"Arise, shine, for your light has come,
    and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.
2 See, darkness covers the earth
    and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the Lord rises upon you
    and his glory appears over you.
3 Nations will come to your light,
    and kings to the brightness of your dawn" Isaiah 60:1-3