Releasing and Trusting

I had a church related nightmare last night. I forgot something very important. I also forgot the thing that could help me remember the thing that I forgot that was very important.

Church related nightmares are different to teaching ones. Teaching ones always involved other people making your life difficult. Church ones involve you letting other people down. I don't get them very often, but when I do I wake up feeling disorientated and confused...... 

This morning I was reading Job 38. Job is reminded by God of his greatness. 

"Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?

Tell me, if you have understanding.

Who determined its measurements - surely you know!

Or who stretched the line upon it?

On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone 

when the morning stars sang together and all the heavenly beings shouted for joy?"

                                                                                              Job 38:4-7

There are so many times that we try to deal with things in our own strength when actually God is much bigger than that. When we pray we don't always expect real practical answers - God created the world yet we limit him to 'maybe' prayers. 

Over the past few days I've once again been reminded that God does things way beyond our expectations. 

In five days I go to India. I don't really know what to expect when I get there, so I haven't been worried about that. I have been more worried about the practical stuff. I often find it easier to trust God with the stuff I don't know than the stuff I do - stuff I can more easily control causes me greater worry. 

God has blessed me in the stuff I can control though, time and time again. It reminds me that so often I just need to let go of my grip and let God get on with it. Anything is possible.

It's a man's world?

I've just watched a little bit of a conversation between Dawn French and Victoria Wood about what it's like being a woman in comedy. I turned it on just when Dawn asked Victoria what it was that put women off going into comedy. Why weren't there more female comics rising up? 


And the answer was that they didn't know.... could it be because it felt like it was really a world for men? Could it be that women weren't expected to do it? Could it be that prejudices against women haven't actually changed that much? 


Dawn then asked Victoria when she would stop. Victoria said that she always thought she would stop when she got old. There are too many prejudices against older women - as they get older they lose their attractiveness so people don't want to hear what they might have to say. For men that's not an issue. 


I then started to watch the Three Musketeers. We may not wear the same clothes as the era in which it was set now, but are women still seen in the same way? The powerful women are secretive and manipulative, but still need a man as their face. The rest of them are more bothered about the way they look to men to do anything else.....


The conversation between Dawn and Victoria reminded me of conversations I have heard about women in ministry. Why aren't there more women going into ministry? Is God calling them elsewhere, or is God actually calling them to ministry, but in the world we are living in with all its ideals and prejudices is that not seen as a real possibility for anyone but those who are most determined?

Loving the old and embracing the new

Living in a small town can sometimes be great, but can sometimes be really frustrating. I like the history, the tourist stuff, the chocolate. The quirkiness of small town living makes me happy. I have got used to having the name of the place I live laughed at (although it gets irritating at times - but I can't talk - I used to laugh). I like the fact that about five minutes walk away I can climb a hill and at the top I can see into the centre of Manchester.

My problem is that I have been a city (or very large town!) girl all of my life. I am used to having every large supermarket possible within about ten minutes drive. I am used to being able to walk to the train station (I can walk to the train station here, but I can only get a steam train). I love the variety in the industrial landscape - new and old mixed together. My favourite city is Birmingham. You drive in and you see old Birmingham mixed with new. A combination of history and forward thinking. The Selfridges building rises up in its blue and silver curvy space age style amongst crossing railway lines and arches that have been there for years and years. 

Love it!

 

Yet I bet that whenever anything new was built - the town hall, the bull ring tower, the Selfridges building, the railways, people complained about the monstrosity that was to be built. 

I love history, yet I love new innovation, and history would not be so interesting if innovation hadn't happened in the past. There are people who have stood up and looked forward and things have changed. They didn't necessarily reject the past, and probably celebrated it, but were also inspired and more often or not walked against the flow, gathering people with like minds on the journey. 

Birmingham reminds me that life is constantly changing, that diversity is exciting and that innovation can run alongside long established ideas. A living and active church is just like that. The community sees the need to celebrate the past and appreciate its foundations, but also recognises the need for vision and diversity in its outlook. Community living is changeable, sometimes volatile, but so often brilliantly beautiful. 

When the community becomes insular and resistant to difference, then the community becomes more like a stately home, which is interesting for historical purposes but will continue to stay the same - stuck in an era that is separate from where people really are. It becomes a place to dream about what has gone rather than what might be coming. 

I was watching Four Weddings* and one of the brides said about another's church venue that it was like two different places - old and beautiful on the outside and like a community centre on the inside. She was very disappointed. She wanted the tradition without the church community. If we really believe that church is community and live that out, then perhaps that juxtaposition of old and new should become the norm, not the surprise. 

*Programme where four brides rate one another's weddings and somebody wins a dream honeymoon. Mind numbing entertainment!

There's no place like home

It really irritates me the way facebook asks you to say where you live and then keeps on asking what your home town is. My home town is where I live. I don't think I am the only one who has this problem, but I might be the only one who is awkward and doesn't want to write Ramsbottom twice. Home for me isn't a specific location (like where I grew up or where my parents are), it's where I feel comfortable and wherever I have lived I have always called home. It's not just facebook either - people are always asking 'where are you from?' By that they mean, I think, 'which other place, rather than the place you are now do you have an affiliation with that is reasonably strong?' Well, actually, nowhere. 

I was walking today and walked past ruined house after ruined house. The scenery and the style of the houses reminded me of my Wright ancestors who came from a small hamlet in the middle of the moors. Here they are outside their house not far from Masham in Yorkshire:

This family lived in the same small selection of houses, right next door to each other, for most of the 19th century. They had somewhere they had always called home. It was home though, not just because they lived there, but because the people they loved lived there. 

I wonder if now we have too many options, which is why we don't put down roots. I have lived in ten different houses in six different places. My identity is not formed by where I come from but from where I am. My only affiliation appears to be to the Midlands and the North. If I moved south maybe I might become a Northerner. 

Bricks and mortar are temporary. As I continued to walk today I saw the most beautiful tree next to one of the ruins. God created that tree, and while the house that humans built lies spectacularly in ruins, and the sign that humans put up fades, the tree continues to grow. 

God is so much bigger than we can imagine, yet so often it is easier to limit our own expectations of God because we feel more comfortable establishing our own identity. I walked through a farm today. The public footpath was first blocked by a car, and then by the washing, and then I was leaving the farm two massive Alsatians started barking and then before I knew it they were chasing me off the farm (down the public footpath). The people who lived on the farm clearly wanted to establish boundaries that saw off any member of the public who deigned to use that footpath. 

When we are comfortable in our own lives, our own homes, our own churches, do we block God's way by putting stuff in the way? Do we limit our expectations, not because we don't believe he can do more, but because we don't really want him to do more?

My identity is not found in where I was born or where I lived last year or where my parents are, but is found in where I am now, journeying with God. May my expectations of God be never limited by anything.

'Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.'            Ephesians 3:20-21

Missing the signs and avoiding the margins

Something went wrong today. I think I may have driven on the wrong side of the road. It was at that moment when the road changed from one way into two way and the road system was one I didn't know. I was looking for where I was going and I totally missed the signs. I'm still not sure if I did do wrong as there were no cars coming in the other direction, but I still have that feeling......

When you are driving you so often have to really concentrate to see the signs, particularly when you are in a new place. I will not rely on sat nav but in new places I normally end up doing a u-turn at some point because I miss the signs. 

My trip today was to a BU Women in Ministry Day - a gathering for women to think about what it means to minister as a woman. I arrived and I saw a sign that said 'Baptist Ladies Day' pointing down the hill. I nearly did a u-turn there and then because I'm no lady. 

In one of the sessions we explored 1 Timothy 2:8-15 which everyone in the group had been confronted with at some point in exploring their call.

I was reminded of the time that my music teacher told me that if a male student wouldn't speak at the college carol service then no-one will because a woman shouldn't do it.

I was reminded of the time that I was told that a clearly gifted woman was not allowed to speak at a Christian Union because women couldn't teach men.

I was reminded of the time that, after been separated into male and female groups the guys came and told us that they really appreciated the fact that we dressed modestly because it meant we didn't tempt them.

I was reminded of the time that I was told (by a woman) that it didn't matter if the church I chose to go to wouldn't let women speak because it wasn't a Gospel issue. 

But then I was reminded of how one of my ministers told me, after talking about me possibly being called to ministry, that he had struggled with women being in ministry and weighing it up against scripture, but had wrestled with it, read books and come to the conclusion it was right. 

And I was reminded of how affirming Paul was of women in his letters - Phoebe, Lydia, Junia, Priscilla...... and also of how much I love Paul's letters, which always need to be read with an appreciation that he was writing in a different culture, recognising that God speaks to us today through them, and that we need to be prepared to explore those passages that are hard because they're there and they are part of the canon of Scripture which is God breathed.

I wonder if sometimes we are so focused on our destination that we drive on the wrong side of the road without noticing the people on the margins who are waiting at the traffic lights where someone has switched them to permanently on red. We might have missed where they could be going. 

Who is on the margins that I miss because missing them is so engrained in my culture?

Restlessly seeking Recklessness

Those moments when you can't settle, you can't concentrate on anything.... often happens when hungry or when waiting for something to happen. They are restless moments. Those moments when you can't find a restaurant because you are too restless to choose or you can't even watch Emmerdale because your concentration span is that of something that can't concentrate. Those moments when you just want to throw things, or open the car door on the motorway 'just to see what might happen'. Those moments when you want to do something but you can't work out what (and often end up doing nothing).

That's what I thought of when I read the phrase:

"To restlessly seek recklessness"

This phrase has really struck me as I've being reading Exiles: Living Missionally in a Post-Christian Culture by Michael Frost . Frost quotes Danish Pastor Kaj Munk who says that the task of the preacher in the church today is not one of Faith, hope and love but is recklessness. He talks about how Christians 'lack a holy rage'.

Perhaps we are too polite? To speak out against injustice might get people's backs up. Perhaps we are too selfish? To mourn the destruction of the world God created might stop us getting the things that we want at cheap prices. 

The idea of restlessly seeking recklessness makes me really uncomfortable, but perhaps my uncomfortableness means I need to explore much more what it means to actually do it. 

Red Traffic Lights, Roundabouts and Breakdowns

I've been listening to the Ting Tings and their song 'Traffic Light' really struck me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmp4chh2R28

It's a bit random, and is about a relationship... but there are some ideas in it that relate to my journey with God and as I was listening it made me think.

'Don't you be a traffic light

with all things said

you turn to red

don't you be a traffic light'

Do I sometimes say stop before I even get going? Am I likely to say no before I say yes? In teaching I often used traffic light questions so the pupils would be able to choose which they were able to do. The red ones were always the hardest. Do I sometimes avoid the stuff that might challenge me because I've already got the green light on other stuff? Do I go straight for the red because I want a challenge but miss what is in front of my face?

'Don't you be a roundabout

not another roundabout

we've come this far

yet back to the start

don't you be a roundabout'

We've all been on those journeys where we are looking for somewhere new and we end up going round the roundabout more than once. We can pretend we are moving forward with God, but instead we keep going round in circles because we can't make the decision. Got to do it one day otherwise we'll just get dizzy, or we'll start going too slowly and the laws of physics will throw us off.

'let's not have a breakdown

not another breakdown

you're on your own a long way from home

let's not have a breakdown'

Once we've gone through the green light, it doesn't mean we can never rest. Once we've made the decision, it doesn't mean that we don't need to rest. The signs on the motorway that say 'tiredness kills, take a break' remind us that a service station is coming up. On the journey we need to remember that we need to re-fuel and look after ourselves. That's where time to rest with God in prayer and in his word comes in. 

This morning I was reading a chapter from Julian of Norwich's Revelations of Divine Love and she said this:

'If God wanted to show me more he would, but I needed no light but him'

God is the torchlight lighting my path. Even if I don't know where the next turning is I can see the next bit of road, I just need to have the confidence to keep stepping on it.