All the Rowboats

I recently re-discovered a song by Regina Spektor called “All the Rowboats”. The song starts with these words:

“All the rowboats

In the paintings

They keep trying to row away”

The song then goes on to talk about how those rowboats will never row away because there is always a frame in the way.... however much they want to get away they will get stuck as they can’t see life beyond the edge of the painting where the frame obscures their view.

When people thought the earth was flat, their fear of falling off the edge prevented them from exploring too far.

When you discover life beyond the edge of the frame.... when you discover that the earth is spherical and not flat... it opens up possibilities much larger than your brain can often comprehend. Your world view suddenly expands....

Our tendency to limit our experience means however, that we fill up with fear when the possibilities grow. We live with fear when we see possibilities we have never seen before.

We should never be surprised when we see things beyond the edge of the frame that we have been living within. There is life beyond our own experience that we might find difficult to comprehend, yet is out there for us to explore. I believe in God, who is bigger than the frames we use to limit ourselves, yet we often forget to look beyond our own frames to see what he is doing through the things we don’t engage with.

The world does not revolve around our own picture, limited by the frame we choose to put around ourselves. When we see beyond to the other and the different, the possibilities are endless. I read an article in the Guardian this morning about a church in Stoke where a number of refugees from a Muslim background have been converting to Christianity. Sadly as this has happened some of the traditional white congregation in the church have left, failing to see life beyond their tidy frames that narrowly define what church should be. 

Where do the edges of your picture frame lie – where is your experience and your learning limited by your own barriers? Push them out a bit.... row your boat a little bit further.... you never know what you might discover.... you never know what God might be doing..... adventure is an exciting thing. 

I will not stop singing......

Something happened in the last week that made me really angry, and really sad, and really disappointed and just really..... well....

The repercussions of that decision to leave the EU have continued to stir up in me those feelings and many more as I've felt deeply unsettled at what is going on right now..... 

After what I don't want to mention happened, the reactions on social media were passionate... and people lashed out....

And then the voice of Michael Winner came out..... (well not actually his voice but it felt like it).... 'calm down'. A number of posts appeared within a couple of hours that said that the decision was made and basically us remainers needed to 'get over it and move on'.

And that made me even more angry..... 

Because I believe that lament, that expressing emotion, that expressing frustration, is important for our well being. To be told to calm down and get over it when such a huge decision that plunged us into the unknown is challenging to our very core.....

On Saturday I attended the annual Street Choirs festival. Thirty plus choirs from across the country got together to sing around the streets of Leicester and to hold a concert in the evening. I was told that this festival was a bit political at times (but I wasn't told how political!!) - a number of the choirs that attended are committed to protesting and expressing issues of justice through song. I heard songs expressing frustration about the break up of the NHS, the austerity cuts, justice, TTIP... and of course, a specially written song about the referendum decision which was beautifully sung with amazing harmonies and spoke into the very core of my frustrations. 

Being there I was reminded of the importance of expressing how we feel.... of standing up and saying (singing) 'no' when we disagreed... of expressing anger and lament when it's necessary and of expressing joy and solidarity when that is needed too.... 

It reminded me of those Psalms where the Psalmist expresses their grief and frustration over their own situation and over the situation of the nation as they look to God for help and protection. It reminded me of those songs of lament written in exile that we pick and choose from to miss out the difficult bits.... By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept..... we sang.... and we were angry, so angry (read Psalm 137 to the end, it's unsettling.....). 

There are many people who are writing at the moment who express how I feel better than me (like here)....so I'm not going into the whys and wherefores of why I'm so sad...... 

But, yes, I will continue to express my frustration..... I accept that I am going to have to deal with it as together as a country we move into unknown territory and tackle the issues of racism that have come to a head because of the decision and watch while biting fingernails as we face uncertainty in our government..... I also believe we've got to pray and I believe we have got to seek peace as we step ahead.

But I also believe we need space to lament. 

And I will continue to sing songs of protest...... I will continue to have moments where I feel like weeping and I will continue to feel on edge..... 

How do we sing the Lord's song in this strange post referendum land? 

I'm not sure.... I'm working that one through......

What I do know though is that I will never stop singing....  

not-a-stickness

Imagine if.....???

Imagine if life was different to how it is now? Imagine if we weren't held back by bureaucracy and form filling and finance. Imagine if we weren't held back by our own hang ups and ideas of how things should be...... 

Imagine if we could see beyond the obvious to dream of the non-obvious to something better.... Imagine if we could look at a dry patch of ground and picture what it might become. 

Some of us can do that.... some of us find it much harder..... but imagine if....?

Imagine if we launched ourselves out of our comfortable place into something new.... who knows what might happen? 

Imagine if...... 

Yesterday at our church meeting I began the meeting my reading a story called Not a Stick . I came across this story in a session on change at college in September.... It's a story of imagination, of dreaming, of seeing beyond the obvious to something much more exciting and bigger. 

It tells the story of a pig who has a stick..... The pig is told to 'be careful with that stick', 'watch where you are going with that stick'....... And the pig keeps telling the narrator 'it's not a stick'. 

The stick is more than a stick.... its a fishing rod, a sword to fight dragons, a spear.... For the pig, the stick is really these things, their imagination dreaming of so much more than is there straight on. 

As I read the story at our meeting three of the children who are part of our church family were playing with a big box in the overflow room at the back of the worship space. As I led the meeting I watched their imagination run wild - making windows and doors.... a chaotic crazy (what looked like a) mess becoming something new and 'not a box'. It was coloured and altered and thrown around...... pens were used as scissors and the glitter left over in the box from Christmas was thrown everywhere..... 

In that 'not a box' moment the children were living out 'not a stick' for real at the same time we were all dreaming what were quite big dreams about the future of our church community cafe. 

If we are to enter the kingdom of God like a child (Matt 18:2-4), then maybe like a child we too should dream 'not a box' and 'not a stick' dreams as we see how much bigger God is than what we can see right in front of us.

What's God asking us to do? What's God saying? Are we missing it because we are being very careful with that stick and missing its not-a-stickness? 

Imagine if...???

"See, I am doing a new thing!
Not it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness 
and streams in the wasteland"         Isaiah 43:19

Making time, growing slowly, being still, waiting.

When Greg goes to meet his girlfriend's parents in 'Meet the Parents' he takes a gift - a pot full of dirt. When the parents open the present they are disappointed.... as you would be!

However, Greg tells them that the dirt contains one of the rarest seeds in the world and it will grow into a beautiful flower. I can't remember what it is,  I don't know whether it grew, but the potential was there if only they were prepared to wait, care for and nurture that potential for future beauty. 

When you plant a seed you can't see the roots growing under the surface, but you trust they are growing. You water the seed with the hope that they are growing but you don't know for sure if they are until the shoot begins to poke its way through.

As you wait the roots take their own path to reach the best nourishment and the best source of life so that the seed can bloom.

It's in those roots that the potential for growth begins to be realised. 

It's in those roots that a future becomes a possibility.

If you don't want to wait for the roots to establish you could stick in some cut flowers to make it look like its something, but without roots it will wilt and fade. 

Nothing beautiful and lasting will grow if roots are not given time and peace to establish. 

We can measure seasons and dream about when it might happen, but we don't know exactly when it will. 

We can look for the signs.

Watch and wait. 

Give time.

Give space.

Live wisely, plant deeply.

Be Still

Go Slow

Wait on God. 

"There is a time for everything, there's a time for everything that is done on earth". Ecclesiastes 3:1

Moving beyond fixing.....

Bottom set Year 10 in a difficult school - a girl, with problems at home. She suggests to her friend who is pregnant that she'd quite like to have a baby too because then she will have someone to love her. The teacher overhears this, ignores it, carries on teaching. The observer (me) overhears it and mulls it over for a while. 

Later on in the week the girl won't stop talking. The teacher stops. Again. Again. Again. The girl won't stop talking. The teacher says 'you need to stop talking' the girl says 'that's not what I need'. They argue for the rest of the lesson it seems. 

Next week there are exam papers lying on the teacher's desk. The girl - she asks what they are about. The teacher says they are for another class - but that if she wants she can help count them. The girl picks up the papers, she puts them in piles and she quietly listens as the teacher continues with the lesson. 

That series of incidents from when I was learning to be a teacher has never left me. The needs of the girl - at home and in school are evident. The teacher knows that getting a grade in maths will make a huge difference to the options for her future. The girl - she has other things on her mind. 

What can the teacher do to fix it? Not ignore her - that is what seems to happen all the time. Not make her conform - perhaps she is sick of being told what to do. She's different. Deal with it. 

But, perhaps the teacher's role is not to fix, but to welcome, and in that welcome, help guide her on a path to a better life. As she is invited to participate by counting exam papers and her contribution valued, she then begins to feel like this is a place she can belong. She's there. She's needed. She begins to journey forward as she chooses to participate.

Our initial reaction is too often to fix. How can I make this person's life better? How can I make them fit in to expectations so that they can get on in life? What can I do? What difference can I make? It becomes about 'me' and that's emphasised when we make sure we write down what we've done on social media for everyone else to see. 

We like to fix. I've had people try and fix me. I don't talk much, until I know I am in a safe place. But then when I talk, I occasionally encounter people who want to fix me. And that makes me angry. I don't want to be fixed. I just want to be. 

And I think that 'being' word is the key. For the girl - belonging, being there in that classroom with purpose was what she needed right then. For me, when I talk, I just want you to be with me, listen, help me learn to trust you, go at my pace. 

When we look at the world around us, often our response is 'how can we fix this?'. Then we jump quickly to fix - which is sometimes needed, but often reactionary, short term and doesn't offer long term solutions and reach down deep into the roots of the problems. 

I've been reading a book called 'Making Room' by Christine D Pohl. It's about hospitality in Christian tradition. I've been struck by her reflections on how Christians today offer hospitality. Our offers of hospitality are often about doing stuff for people or to people - fixing people through resources - and then when we are drained, we hide away from those who are different to us to build up our resources again. Pohl writes that Christians today are much better at collecting and providing for needs than we are at welcoming people into the community. We become people who fix rather than people who 'be'. Providing for others is good, and important, but when that becomes an 'out there' thing and not a 'welcome in' thing, when we 'do to' and forget to 'be with' we miss something of the hospitality of God's Kingdom. 

The early Christian communities were radical, rebellious and counter cultural because of equality within the community - no society reflecting hierarchy or privilege or special food for special people. They recognised the need and importance of fellowship and friendship.

As we recognise that same need within church community, then perhaps we need to be thinking about how we be with people and journey together. As we serve, invite others to serve with us. As we provide food, invite others to share in the distribution and then sit alongside them to eat. As we sit down, put an extra chair at the table. As we prepare, invite others to count exam papers. Small invitations to belong, to taste and to experience the love of God together.

Be......

New year..... New day.

I love new year. Full of nostalgia and resolutions - a pause to look forward and reflect back. A chance to put to bed regrets and learn from mistakes.....

I hate new year. Full of nostalgia and resolutions - a pause to look forward and reflect back. A chance to revisit regrets and wonder why on earth they happened.....

I love new year. High expectations of fun. Party, laughter, dreaming, winning, good friends, family, fireworks. 

I hate new year. High expectations of fun when surely not everyone can want fun. Party going pressure, tears, remembering dreams that never came true, loneliness even in a room full of people. 

I love new year. This last year has been good. I've finished college, been ordained (best day ever), led my first baptismal service, dedicated a beautiful baby, passed all of my masters modules, celebrated with so many friends, adventured and journeyed, created and sparkled, sung and dreamed. Made new friends.....

I hate new year. For too many of my friends this year has been ridiculously hard and I have not known what to do or say to walk with them through it. For too many of them this new year is a hearty goodbye to what has been and a tentative step into the future..... 

I drove down to Derbyshire for new year today. As I drove I left behind howling wind and driving rain and as I came over the hills into the Peak District, there before me was the most glorious sunset. Behind me, darkness, before me promise of an ending and a new beginning that is more beautiful than anything that has gone before. 

I'm a bit ambivalent when it comes to new year. It's overrated, a bit stressful and slightly irritating, but I celebrate it because it makes us stop, pause, reflect and dream. I've had a great year and am looking forward to 2016 which already promises to begin well..... And I'm going to enjoy seeing it in with a good friend.

But, more than that..... the beautiful sun setting on 2015 after the dark remnants of the storm and the fact that it will rise again tomorrow reminded me of this..... That light shines even in the most dark of places...... And that is something definitely worth celebrating.... 

"Arise, shine, for your light has come,
    and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.
2 See, darkness covers the earth
    and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the Lord rises upon you
    and his glory appears over you.
3 Nations will come to your light,
    and kings to the brightness of your dawn" Isaiah 60:1-3

Tourist church

Last week I was sat talking to some people about the week and what we'd been up to. I mentioned I was the minister of a church..... 

It's amazing the conversations that this sometimes starts. Ranging from 'I'm not into God myself' to 'how do you promote your church' to 'so you baptise adults - are they naked?' 

This time though I was talking to an amazing storyteller. She told me about the time that she went to New York and while they were in New York her and her friend wanted to go to a 'proper' Baptist church. They went to a famous church in the area.... 

When they arrived they were amazed to see the queue - going on for rows and rows of people. At the door were two men (bouncers) dressed in sharp suits. They came down the rows looking at what people were wearing. They stopped at my story teller and looked down - they saw her flip flops and her trousers and said she couldn't go in like that. 

Then they pointed to a stall selling shoes and skirts......

As she got shoed and skirted up her and her friend were asked to stand closer to the people in front so the queue had more space to grow. 

And then, eventually, after a long period of waiting, the doors opened and the bouncers let them in small groups to wait for the service to begin. Gospel choir, passionate preaching.... all those things you'd see on telly....! 

I sat there and thought.... I wouldn't queue. What is this church doing? Bouncers? Flip flop rules? 

Church as tourist attraction. And yes, my storyteller and her friend were tourists. It was a must see for their time in New York. They loved it. It was an amazing experience. Buzzing. 

But church as a tourist attraction? I've always been uncomfortable with paying to go into cathedrals when they should be a place of worship.... but then if I am going in just to look around....? Last year I went to midday communion at York Minster - a calm oasis of worship and thanksgiving in the middle of a busy stream of tourists. In the summer I looked down at the parish congregation in Sagrada Familia and felt out of place as one of the people who had paid to stare. 

A worship service as a tourist attraction? I guess it's become so strange that to have a look-see to experience something strange could be seen as something good. Just as you might go into a cathedral to sense some of the awe and wonder of God, participating in a lively New York Baptist church might help us experience the joy of worship and encounter God through that ..... there is something about the peculiarity of a worship service that people just want to go and see that we should embrace as the church seeks to be light in a dark world.

But, it's not the desire of the storyteller and her friend to go and experience worship that I find difficult (although I've never heard of anyone going to a church like that on the tourist trail) - it's the story of the queues and bouncers and clothes stalls that I find hard. 

What would the King of Kings born in a manger on that first Christmas make of all this? A quiet and subversive entrance to turn the world upside down. Born to a very young couple, far from home, met by shepherds still smelling of the hills, bowed down to by men from far far away. No bouncers, no dress code, no cathedrals, no queues, but the quiet entrance of Emmanuel. 

God with us. 

God..... with..... us.