In music and song

I like to make music. I like listening to music. Music - it’s good for the soul. I’m meant to be going to a choir tonight but I’ve taken their non response to my Facebook message as a sign (or some sort of excuse that leads to the conclusion) that tonight is not the night. I’m a little bit peopled out and an evening in alone is more attractive than having to be sociable with strangers even though singing is involved. 

Music is good for me. It lifts me and grounds me. It puts into notes and words the feelings I find difficult to express because I’m not the kind of person who actually finds it easy to tell people what I’m thinking and feeling. The abilities of others to string together a series of sounds that stops me in my tracks never fails to amaze. 

I have different music I listen to for different moods - I wake up to worship music to remind me that God is with me as I begin the day. I listen to 90s alternative as I cook and clean because I know the words. My anger is accompanied by shouty Limp Bizkit and the like. My flat mood is currently joined by the deep sounds of Leonard Cohen and my foot tapping by Jack Johnson. Sam Phillips brings to mind the familiarity of Gilmore Girls when I need to know all is safe and Lauren Daigle reminds me I matter and I’m going to be OK. When I need to feel deep peace I listen to The Sixteen or Arvo Part who remind me that heaven can be a place on earth just for a moment as I feel the presence of God in the music - a thin place where heaven meets earth. And there are moments where the only song that will do is Tavener’s Song of the Angel  which sends shivers down my spine as I close my eyes and in the darkness I hear that moment when everything changed.....

Music gets me through. I have a friend who sends me songs that have spoken to me at the most difficult of times. She picks lyrics that send messages straight to the heart and hold me when it’s tough. And when I’m sad or insecure or unsure of what I am, I remember the song of God that spurs me on. 

I was reminded again today of the words of Zephaniah 3:17 where times that are better are promised. 

‘The Lord your God is with you, 
the Mighty warrior who saves. 
He will take great delight in you;
In his love he will no longer rebuke you, 
but he will rejoice over you with singing’ 

I love this - I love that God sings a song over me because he loves me. Today it might be a song of rest, tomorrow it may be something different. Some days God knows I just need to know I’m loved, some days I need to understand he’s got my back. He sings over me and he rejoices because he loves me. 

What song is he singing right now? I’m not sure, but have a listen..... because the songs that bring us closer to our God who sings over us - they’re there - waiting and ready to be heard. 

I will not stop singing......

Something happened in the last week that made me really angry, and really sad, and really disappointed and just really..... well....

The repercussions of that decision to leave the EU have continued to stir up in me those feelings and many more as I've felt deeply unsettled at what is going on right now..... 

After what I don't want to mention happened, the reactions on social media were passionate... and people lashed out....

And then the voice of Michael Winner came out..... (well not actually his voice but it felt like it).... 'calm down'. A number of posts appeared within a couple of hours that said that the decision was made and basically us remainers needed to 'get over it and move on'.

And that made me even more angry..... 

Because I believe that lament, that expressing emotion, that expressing frustration, is important for our well being. To be told to calm down and get over it when such a huge decision that plunged us into the unknown is challenging to our very core.....

On Saturday I attended the annual Street Choirs festival. Thirty plus choirs from across the country got together to sing around the streets of Leicester and to hold a concert in the evening. I was told that this festival was a bit political at times (but I wasn't told how political!!) - a number of the choirs that attended are committed to protesting and expressing issues of justice through song. I heard songs expressing frustration about the break up of the NHS, the austerity cuts, justice, TTIP... and of course, a specially written song about the referendum decision which was beautifully sung with amazing harmonies and spoke into the very core of my frustrations. 

Being there I was reminded of the importance of expressing how we feel.... of standing up and saying (singing) 'no' when we disagreed... of expressing anger and lament when it's necessary and of expressing joy and solidarity when that is needed too.... 

It reminded me of those Psalms where the Psalmist expresses their grief and frustration over their own situation and over the situation of the nation as they look to God for help and protection. It reminded me of those songs of lament written in exile that we pick and choose from to miss out the difficult bits.... By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept..... we sang.... and we were angry, so angry (read Psalm 137 to the end, it's unsettling.....). 

There are many people who are writing at the moment who express how I feel better than me (like here)....so I'm not going into the whys and wherefores of why I'm so sad...... 

But, yes, I will continue to express my frustration..... I accept that I am going to have to deal with it as together as a country we move into unknown territory and tackle the issues of racism that have come to a head because of the decision and watch while biting fingernails as we face uncertainty in our government..... I also believe we've got to pray and I believe we have got to seek peace as we step ahead.

But I also believe we need space to lament. 

And I will continue to sing songs of protest...... I will continue to have moments where I feel like weeping and I will continue to feel on edge..... 

How do we sing the Lord's song in this strange post referendum land? 

I'm not sure.... I'm working that one through......

What I do know though is that I will never stop singing....