In the Storm

In the Storm

When life is completely overturned
by the unseen wave of infection,
and we wonder where our God is in all of this.

We pause and listen as he whispers;
Here is peace. Take my hand.

When we face uncertainty at work and home
And our sense of security is stripped away.
We wonder whether we'll survive the storm,

We pause and listen as he whispers;
Here is peace. Take my hand. 

When our churches and congregations are shaken
and all we hold onto is gone,
and we wonder where God is calling. 

We pause and listen as he whispers;
Here is peace. Take my hand. 

When the landscape continually changes
as familiarity is eroded,
and we ask "where has life gone?"

We pause and listen as he whispers;
Here is peace. Take my hand.

When our bodies and minds feel bruised
And we look at those we love,
And we fear what we're facing,

We pause and listen as he whispers;
Here is peace. Take my hand. 

As we place our hand in his - 
Not in fear, but in trust,
As he leads us he reminds us
That the storm, it will end. 

And whatever happens beyond it, 
He will never let us go. 
His promises never broken. 

We pause and listen as he whispers;
Here is hope. Here I am. 

There's stuff in the baptistry

How can you baptise if your baptistry is not full of water? 

A tongue in cheek comment at a conference I went to this week, but it reminded me of a blog I wrote a little while ago but didn't end up doing anything with. 

On a Saturday morning, a little while ago, for the second time in a couple of months I cleared out the baptistry at church so we could have a 'dry run'. To be fair, it was my fault the baptistry was full of stuff because I'd put someones stuff in there for safe keeping whilst it was waiting for it to be sorted out. It's now in in my loft and in the cupboard in my spare room. 

To get to the baptistry I had to move bags of glue and shortbread, a set of drums and some tambourines and a selection of things that look kind of like microphone stands but could be something else entirely. 

So much stuff in the way. 

Whilst the stuff in the baptistry wouldn't stop people getting baptised - it could be moved - perhaps it might be symbolic of something bigger. 

We all long for restoration - for transformation - as we look at the world around us - as we look at our own lives - we long for things to be better and we hope that one day they will be. The whole act of believers' baptism is about that - it is a symbol of the transformation we receive in Jesus - moving from old to new, the putting on of new clothes - through death to new life - restoration. 

The empty baptistry just needs to be filled with water (and hopefully warmed up) - and it will be in a weeks time - but a baptistry full of stuff needs more work. 

When we want to see change we're stopped in our tracks because the stuff we treasure builds up and in our wisdom we leave it there and use it as a convenient excuse to not work towards the transformation we're called to. 

A blanket statement stops the baptistry being filled - 'there's stuff in the baptistry' is a poor excuse for not filling it with water. Blanket statements stop transformation  - 'nothing is going to change so why bother?' 

If I don't remove the rubbish, I don't need to get wet
If I don't clear my table, I can't invite people round
If I don't fill in the form, I won't have to deal with result
If I just don't turn up it's not my problem anymore. 

If we want to see this world change we've got to stop treasuring all the stuff that stops the change. I watched the Two Popes on Netflix last night and one phrase that struck me was 'nobody's problem becomes everybody's problem'. 

That's it isn't it? We don't clear the stuff out of the baptistry just so we can stand in there when we feel like it. We clean the stuff out of the baptistry to open that door for others..... because you never know, by doing so, you might begin a sequence of events that does change things for the better after all.

What is the rubbish, the treasure, the barrier you're refusing to remove? 

Stop making excuses, because when you start stepping forward, those things that stop us, they will disappear, and it will come..... 

"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track" Proverbs 3:5-6

Life is not a Google Map

I love a google map when I’m going on a journey. I lean on google map wisdom rather heavily and when (as it always does in Milton Keynes) the signal fails I feel bereft and slightly panicky. 

The thing about google maps is that it is better than reading an actual map because.....

- it really doesn’t take a lot of effort
- it will guide you without you having to develop a system of post it notes/very large passenger seat instructions/memory techniques etc to get you to your destination 
- and best of all it helps you to avoid obstacles/traffic jams/closed roads/crashes to get to your destination on time and will even reroute you if something unexpected turns up. 

I was sitting talking to a friend yesterday about life and how we deal with those times when something floors us because the getting knocked down and getting up again is really hard sometimes (despite how easy chumbawumba makes it seem). We reflected on how life is not like google maps. It takes effort, navigation isn’t always straight forward and that obstacles inevitably get in our way - often smacking us right in the face. 

Wouldn’t it be good if we could sail in through the google map way? The promises that many of us were made when we were growing up were that if we choose the right route it’ll be ok.... 

As we head into a new year with expectations perhaps, or a skeleton map -  as we long for a bit of simplicity and an obvious bit of direction - as the google map dream is only that and will never be anything more..... there is much more, we reflected, that we can rely on. 

Where we are worried that we are in and perhaps the cause of the mess of it all there are those around us who know us who can tell us what the true story is - listen to them - they may have something to say that will be better than the lost post it note. 

Where everything appears to have come to a halt or crashed due to no fault of our own - where we are limping or injured or simply at a loss, sometimes digging out takes time - it’s ok to pause for a while to deal with the debris around and sometimes the clear up takes longer than we might imagine. Sit still for a while and find the right people to sit by you and gradually work through all the stuff. 

When the way ahead is uncertain, take it one signpost at a time. Each wrong move, wrong turn, is a learning experience and retreating  to where you were before is not always a bad thing because a new route will present new opportunities.

And learn to trust - trust your own instincts - you may get lost for a while but you’ll find your way back..... trust those who know you - they may have seen exactly what you’ve missed..... and mostly - trust God - he knows better than all of us the way out of the stuff - and it might be the exact route that Google maps in its search for the easy obvious way  desperately wants you to avoid. 

May 2020 be a year of discovery, recovery, hope and blessing 

New Year.... New Roller coaster

This year I haven't been able to get Ronan Keating out of my head. I've never really liked Ronan Keating, but he reflects on how life, particularly for him his love life, is a bit like a roller coaster.

Well, 2018 has proved that to be true (not the love bit - after some challenging roller coaster experiences I leave that one well alone....). During the summer in 2017 I bought a diary that was not my usual black moleskine diary and it challenged me to face the year with great gusto.... 

It all began reasonably gently with a not quiet, but not too far out of the norm January.

Then February came and I got shoved from behind by a tractor into a hedge which left me in fear of any tractor that comes towards me or behind me or even close and left a groove in the road just down from my friend's house as a semi-permanent reminder of my first narrow escape of 2018. 

March followed and as I rushed to do last minute shopping for the Easter service, the wall of B&M bargains began to move beside me, and as I saw through the wall to the car pinning a woman against the breeze blocks (thankfully, as news reported, she was OK), and as I sat shaking in my car for fifteen minutes afterwards, I thanked God for my second narrow escape of the year and introduced the new liturgical fear induced concept of a holy hug to our renewal of baptismal vows service. The new cement between the bricks by the fire exit of B&M is a permanent reminder of what could have been as I rush to avoid the bargain food area in case it happens again..... 

It's been a year of reviews, endings and beginnings.... and the second half of 2018 has been full of it. I finished my meetings in York with the best newly accredited minister (NAM) mentor ever and bought a hanging bird decoration that confuses everyone who enters my living room with its propensity to get in the way of conversations because I haven't worked out where its permanent home is yet. I finished my dissertation on food and faith, with a mark I am unbelievably proud of, leading to an MA (with merit) in contextual theology - my third graduation - my least uneventful one - accompanied by a knitted Mary and Joseph who admired the hats as a helpful resting place to listen to the speeches and all the names. I finished my NAMs period and have been recommended by a surprising choice of font to get a certificate and a handshake (and I hope not too many hugs - I'd prefer a box if possible...). 

I've baked. A lot. 

I've faced some of my biggest challenges in ministry - both devastating and exciting.... walked with people, cared for people, had sleepless nights trying to work out the logistics of things I've never encountered before.... we've reviewed as a church who we are, where we might be going and how that all fits in with the bigger picture of where God is calling the church in Ramsbottom..... 

And through it all I've been exploring my future. 

And it turns out God is calling me to ride another roller coaster - to get off the northern mill town one and ride a different type of roller coaster - an on the edges of the big city roller coaster... a southern roller coaster....and discovering that has been a roller coaster in itself..... 

I'm moving after Easter from Ramsbottom (last Sunday is 28th April) - a church family who love deeply and have helped form me into the minister I am today - a place that has been home for over seven years - to New Addington Baptist Church in south east London - where the call from God has been so clear it has been quite overwhelming, and settlement (the mis-named Baptist moving on process that is anything but settling) has been like those steep bits of the roller coaster where you've been climbing towards it for a while but then you commit and it just goes...... with great speed mixed with joy and fear and a destination that feels completely and utterly right and is a relief when you get there (and breathe...). 

So as I face 2019, amongst the chaos of our country (don't even get me started on that), I'm leaving behind a year that was shoved in by tractor and is been ridden out with an eye on what it means to finish well, what it means to begin something new and what it means to be called south of Watford Gap (the service station with the worst car park in the British service station world). 

I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm sad to be leaving..... but as I stopped laying out my fleeces at the beginning of December as the church called me to go, I am confident in the knowledge that trusting in God is a good - an excellent thing to do - whatever the challenges ahead might add to the journey ahead for any of us.... 

Happy new year! May 2019 bring new adventures.... (maybe without the tractors and the walls).

"The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom. Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom; it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy" 
Isaiah 35:1-2a

Boats in the Street

I've been reading a book by Jess Walter called 'Beautiful Ruins'. It's about people whose lives cross for different reasons and the beautiful and dysfunctional relationships that are built at those crossing places. I'm about half way through and despite it doing what many books do these days and jumping from place to place and year to year I am engrossed and understand who relates to who and kind of why. It speaks about how we put up with what we have because it is familiar or because we want to make atonement for disappointing people or because we know no better than to act in the way we do. 

One of the main characters in the book is a film director called Michael Deane. Where I am up to currently he is portrayed as a bit of an idiot but with an intriguing past - a past he doesn't appear to want to reveal but comes to hit him in the face again and again. He has a fierce loyalty to people he has met, giving them the opportunity to try and make something of their film ideas (although rejecting too many) and providing space for them to be heard out (even if only by his assistant). 

We first meet Michael Deane when he is in Rome creating a film. He shows the man who has sought him out (Pasquale) the 'Sinking boat fountain' or the Fontana della Barcaccia which is in a square that used to get flooded often before river walls were built. After one such flood in the 16th Century a boat was left behind. The boat was simply dumped randomly in the disaster and the artist who created the fountain has captured some of that. 

Michael Deane shows Pasquale the fountain and says this (thinking about the mistake Pasquale has come to confront him with):

'.... sometimes there is no explanation for the things that happen. Sometimes a boat simply appears on a street. And as odd as it may seem, one has no choice but to deal with the fact that there's suddenly a boat on the street.'

This struck me as I read it this morning. In trying to understand what happens in life, we try and analyse and bring logic into the situation. This boat - the explanation was there - the flood - the waters going, leaving it behind. Yet why there and why then? We get stuck looking at the boat and wonder what would have happened if it had been different, but what we've got to deal with is the fact that the boat is there and even when it has been dismantled and taken away, the memory of the boat is left behind, as in the fountain. 

How do we deal with it? 

Sometimes it's not trying to understand and accepting that the boat needs to be walked away from. 

Sometimes it's taking the boat apart, bit by bit and building something new from the materials. 

Sometimes it's remembering the devastation left by the boat, coming back to it occasionally, but not letting it distract us. 

Sometimes it's simply accepting that the boat is there, that we'll have to continue to deal with it, that we'll never know why, but that that is OK.

One of my favourite disciples is Peter. In Matthew 14 we read the story of Jesus walking on the water and calling to Peter to 'come'. Peter does, but then he doubts and he calls out for help. Jesus gently tells him off for not believing that he could come to him. As we deal with the boats in the street and try and do it alone, we've got to remember that Jesus says 'come' - and one step at a time we might make the boat less of an influence as with each step we trust in him just that little bit more that he knows (that he is) the way.... and..... what we don't understand is in his hands and he carries it for us in our confusion and hurt.  

Releasing and Trusting

I had a church related nightmare last night. I forgot something very important. I also forgot the thing that could help me remember the thing that I forgot that was very important.

Church related nightmares are different to teaching ones. Teaching ones always involved other people making your life difficult. Church ones involve you letting other people down. I don't get them very often, but when I do I wake up feeling disorientated and confused...... 

This morning I was reading Job 38. Job is reminded by God of his greatness. 

"Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?

Tell me, if you have understanding.

Who determined its measurements - surely you know!

Or who stretched the line upon it?

On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone 

when the morning stars sang together and all the heavenly beings shouted for joy?"

                                                                                              Job 38:4-7

There are so many times that we try to deal with things in our own strength when actually God is much bigger than that. When we pray we don't always expect real practical answers - God created the world yet we limit him to 'maybe' prayers. 

Over the past few days I've once again been reminded that God does things way beyond our expectations. 

In five days I go to India. I don't really know what to expect when I get there, so I haven't been worried about that. I have been more worried about the practical stuff. I often find it easier to trust God with the stuff I don't know than the stuff I do - stuff I can more easily control causes me greater worry. 

God has blessed me in the stuff I can control though, time and time again. It reminds me that so often I just need to let go of my grip and let God get on with it. Anything is possible.