Lord, you know me better than I know myself.
You know when I sit on the sofa and you know when I go for my daily walk.
You know exactly what I am thinking even though you seem far away.
You know when I go out too often and you know when I don't feel like getting up.
You're familiar with all my habits and thinking.
Before I get tongue-twisted on the phone or forget what I was going to say
You, Lord, know what I want to say already (sometimes I need you to tell me).
The knowledge you have of me is vast and wonderful
And I don't think I will ever understand my strange behaviour at the moment as you do.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up onto the roof (that's not going out is it?) you are there.
If I hide under the covers (that's definitely not going out) you are there.
If I rise earlier than I would normally do (why can't I sleep?)
If I settle into a rhythm that's alien but works
even there your hand will hold onto me,
Your right hand will help me stay upright.
If I say, "Surely no one will remember me if I hide away
and the joy of being outside will become something to be forgotten"
even if I hide away for six months, you'll still find me
in the isolation I will never be alone, because however dark it gets, you are there.
For you created me, from the inside out. You spent time knitting a pattern that had never been knitted before in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Everything you do is wonderful, and I know that, in my deepest being.
My design was completely revealed to you when I was made in a place no one else could see,
when I was woven together in the dark secret place.
Your eyes saw me before I even looked like me
And all the days were already written down before I even existed.
I'm really interested in what you are thinking God,
Because your thoughts must be infinitely big.
I would try and count them (and I've probably got time now, so say some people) but I know they are too many to count, even when in isolation....
Even if I go to sleep, when I open my eyes you are still there.
If only you God, would destroy this virus.
Away from me, all other people and your germs.
This virus is not of you, but yet for a while it lives and claims to have control over our lives.
I hate this virus, Lord, just as you hate it
Just as you mourn at the suffering of so many.
I have nothing but hatred for it
I count it as my enemy. It makes me so mad.
Search me, God, you know how my heart is.
Test me and know that I am full of worry and fear.
See that I don't take out my frustration on anyone
And lead me in your way, which speaks of a life lived beyond my front door.
In the Storm
When life is completely overturned
by the unseen wave of infection,
and we wonder where our God is in all of this.
We pause and listen as he whispers;
Here is peace. Take my hand.
When we face uncertainty at work and home
And our sense of security is stripped away.
We wonder whether we'll survive the storm,
We pause and listen as he whispers;
Here is peace. Take my hand.
When our churches and congregations are shaken
and all we hold onto is gone,
and we wonder where God is calling.
We pause and listen as he whispers;
Here is peace. Take my hand.
When the landscape continually changes
as familiarity is eroded,
and we ask "where has life gone?"
We pause and listen as he whispers;
Here is peace. Take my hand.
When our bodies and minds feel bruised
And we look at those we love,
And we fear what we're facing,
We pause and listen as he whispers;
Here is peace. Take my hand.
As we place our hand in his -
Not in fear, but in trust,
As he leads us he reminds us
That the storm, it will end.
And whatever happens beyond it,
He will never let us go.
His promises never broken.
We pause and listen as he whispers;
Here is hope. Here I am.
God is there in the isolation with his arms wrapped around us
He is there in the challenges holding up our arms when they just want to fall
He is there in the all, in the everything, in all moments
With help facing devastation, and the troubles that lie ahead.
And we’ll try not to fear, yet the fear overwhelms us
Though everything feels like it’s breaking up in pieces before us
Though all that was strong is torn down in the storm
Though the floods threat is to consume us and the barriers give way.....
There left behind is a river where life is lived in all fullness
God is here and he lives, Word made flesh dwells amongst us.
God is here, there is Hope, there is promise, there is future
A new dawn will rise, because the brokenness will not last forever.
Nations run, nations swirl, nations crash to the floor
People seek self before all and leave others flailing behind them
But God the creator, he speaks, do not harm them and all wait.....
God is here. God is here. God is here.
Come and see because before you lies his story of healing
Of devastation overturned, re-restored, and unfaded
He ends the pain of this unknown, the enemy lying before us
And it changes, all changes as the attacker is left dormant
He breaks the chain, stops the spread, and destroys it completely
Saying
Be still. Be still my child and know that I dwell among you
I hold your hand in your pain
I sit beside you in your loneliness
I bring my peace to your racing mind
I shut your eyes for a while so you can’t see
Rest in me and be still. Be still and know that in the darkness light will always shine.
About a year ago I wrote a blog called on walking alone reflecting on the challenges of being a single minister, particularly when moving south, far away from family. It’s been my most viewed blog (nearly 2000 views) and I’ve never been sure why. Perhaps it resonates with people. Perhaps someone accidentally keeps pressing refresh. Who knows?
I’ve been thinking about how I ended up writing that as I’ve contemplated the idea of ending up in isolation on my own far away from family. It’s tough being on your own.
As we went through our church lists and identified people with no close support and visited and talked to people who face the same questions of how might we manage if we lock ourselves away I realised that whilst we’re all in this together when you are in a single person household we’re in it together alone. And that’s hard. As I hear people worry about being locked away with family and I hear the plans for entertaining one another I wonder who is going to entertain me? Who is going to be there to pick the pieces up when the bits of life that have always been stable unravel and fall.
And while this blog may seem self-indulgent, it’s a fact of life for many who are not able to reach out to family, friends and neighbours in the run of every day normality never mind in the new every day changes we’re encountering well, everyday.
As I contemplate how life looks where my social distancing becomes more distant I wonder how I’m going to manage when the world closes in.
Perhaps in the small things, the bird building a nest from my driveway or the flowers that will grow, oblivious to the crisis around speaking of the hope that takes us beyond the what ifs of the storm we are facing head on.
Perhaps in the voices from favourite books or from comfort viewing of Gilmore Girls and Friends or the familiar faces of films we’ve watched a thousand times before.The songs that inspire singing and the faces in old photos that grin freely and speak of a life without fear.
Perhaps in the ring of a telephone, the swoosh of an email, the envelope thrust through the door speaking news from elsewhere. The voices from faraway that remind you that together doesn’t have to be alone, instead a miracle of the drawing together of distance to be a little less than far.
In this alone togetherness we listen, we wait, and we ponder and the one that never leaves us whispers here, I am here.
“Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you” Isaiah 41:10 (MSG)
My Bible reading this morning was from Isaiah 26 and one verse in particular was particularly apt for such a time as this:
“Come my people, go home and shut yourselves in. Go into seclusion for a while until the punishing wrath has passed” (Isaiah 26:20)
While Isaiah’s prophecy was for a particular people at a particular time who were in for a hard time and were looking for reasons why, it also gives us a bit of an insight into how we might respond to this current Coronavirus crisis. I wake up in the morning anxious about what’s coming, I worry about how I might lead my church through this and I am so very concerned for my community who thrive on human contact and need one another to get through the simplest stuff in life. To be honest, I’ve been tying myself up in knots a bit.
This verse, it jumped out at me. It’s ok to stop. It’s ok to pause. It’s ok to hide. This virus will pass. You can’t control it, you’re not going to stop it, you’re going to have to ride this storm, it’s coming........ but it will pass. We don’t know what the other side of the storm will look like. It will be a painful journey.... but it will pass. There are better times ahead.
For someone who likes to be in control, these words, whilst they do not take away the wrenching in my gut, they provide hope amongst chaos, light amongst darkness. The dawn is coming and it will arrive. This now - it will pass - deal with it as best you can and then embrace the change the new dawn brings.
This virus is a symptom of our broken, fallen world - the illness - the panic - the non-joined up thinking. The inherent selfishness reflected in a trolley full of loo roll. The way we react needs to be wholly unselfish. How do we care for others who might be more vulnerable than us?
- that’s what the hand washing is about
- that’s what the self isolation on symptoms is about even if we ‘don’t feel that bad’
- that’s what choosing to not stockpile but instead redistribute is about
- that’s what looking out for our neighbours is about (check out the singing in Italy, the opportunities to volunteer in your own community, the ideas for offering coordinated help on the streets that are about)
- that’s what the cancellation of an event we really wanted to go to is all about
- that’s what all the hiding away is about
This virus will, at times of self isolation, and as the next months unfold, leave us nothing to depend on but God. Our faith will be tested, our trust will wain - but the truth is that the only thing that will remain constant is God.
And as this virus orders us - forces us - into a time of stop - in our collective grieving and anxiety, frustration and fear, may we be overwhelmed by that peace that passes all understanding. As we close the doors behind us and only hear human contact in hushed tones beyond the walls, hear the voice that whispers - this will pass, this will pass, there is better to come.
This week has been a week for celebrating women.
I had the privilege of being invited to talk to a class of ministerial students about my experience and call as a female minister. I talked about how female ministerial role models are still few and far between and those women and men who have walked beside me when it’s all been really tough.
I heard that a book of liturgy (Gathering the Crumbs) written by female baptist ministers that I’ve contributed to and have been involved in editing is off to to the printers with a first run of 1000 books (so exciting).
And today I’ve had the pleasure of spending time with women from my community who are doing some amazing and inspirational things as we celebrated international women’s day.
Women are flippin ace, don’t you think?
This Sunday is International Women’s Day when women first save the date of 19th November into their head so they know the answer to the inevitable when is men’s day question before it’s even asked, and secondly we take time out to affirm and encourage, celebrate and inspire one another as we make our voices heard above the sounds of every day life where most of us are just getting on with what we need to be getting on with.
Why do we need to bother with such a day? Surely women are celebrated enough these days?
Well.....
Recently an article was released by the UN called “Women’s Rights in Review.....” which looks at what’s happened for women across the world in the past 25 years - has the situation improved?
Maybe a little bit, but not enough, and far too slow, says the report..... in fact in some places we’re going backwards.....
In parliaments across the world the male-female split is 75%-25% (in the UK parliament 34% are women, 27% in the cabinet).
32 million girls are still not in school, only less than two thirds of women have access to paid work (compare to 93% of men) and nearly 1 in 5 women encounter domestic violence.
Inequality, climate change, conflict and politics that exclude all take women away from the tables of decision making.
Those are just the headlines.
If women are as ace as the stories I’ve heard this week tell, then more needs to be done.
If women are as ace as the female Baptist ministers I know there should be more than 3 or 4 women at the larger churches conference, more than one female regional team leader and more than 16% of women as ministers. There would be equality in pay and less invisible glass boundaries.
I live in a community where women appear to be leading the way for change. I serve in a church that has always celebrated and enabled women. I minister in a movement of churches that had passed the centenary of women entering training for ordained ministry. I am privileged, but even in my privileged position I feel the tiredness from hearing again and again stories of women stopped in their tracks simply because they’re women.
So this women’s day, look around, listen.... because there are many more stories to tell, many more women who need to be set free to live life in all its fullness, many more women who we all might need to step aside for so they can reach the places to which they are called and so many amazing women to celebrate.
Women are flippin ace, don’t you think?
