Exactly where you need to be......

I was sent this card the other week. Well, it was socially distanced hand delivered to my doorstep and it strikes me every day I look at it. "You are exactly where you need to be, one year on". 

I'm slowly doing one of those things that everybody is doing at the moment on facebook - mine is the 30 day music challenge and it's taken me more than 30 days to get through it because I haven't thought about it every day but I am on day 20 and the song of the day is 'one that has many meanings to you' and I was reminded of Lauren Daigle's "You Say" (which is at the bottom of this post).

I chose this song because I remember the day I was sent this by one of my favourites. It was when I was looking to move churches and it spoke deep down into where my trust and identity needed to lie. I remember the day I first heard it on the radio when I was driving down to the church for the first time after moving. I remember the time I heard it live in Shepherd's Bush with a friend with whom I've been on a journey through some really hard stuff. I haven't listened to it for a while, but the words keep speaking whenever I listen to them, knowing that I am enough because God made me enough (and far much more). 

I do, from time to time, doubt myself and my own ability to do be all I have been called to be, not least at this time of lockdown. When it's at its worse I overthink, react badly and struggle to motivate myself. At the moment everything I do is new, even though some of it has been going on for nine weeks, it's new. We've had to overhaul church working structures, change completely the way we work and my support networks have become a series of faces on the screen and WhatsApp messages, and I'm not going to lie and say it's been easy - it hasn't been - the burden is difficult to carry and the heavy weight of responsibility to carry others to the new when everything is still as new as new can be to me is challenging. As I discover new things I am very conscious that I am only a tiptoe ahead of everyone else, and my nervous confidence hides the fear I have that I might not be able to stop myself falling over, never mind anyone else. 

Last night I was talking with friends and it's the first time I've answered the statement 'I think you must be doing a great job' with 'yes, I might be' (or something like that). 

This week is mental health awareness week and as we've all been rocked from our very core, mental health is something that we all need to be thinking about at the moment - the mental health of others and also our own mental health. Even if we have not suffered from mental health issues before, the current uncertainty, the devastation of lives and the frustration not being able to fix anything is going to affect us all. Perhaps this week is a time to pause, to reflect and in the stopping evaluate how actually we really are doing. 

I'm doing better than I was two weeks ago. I know that for sure. I'm leaning hard on God who is all the strength I need. I'm trying to avoid the things that make me overthink and doubt myself, and I'm trying to be bolder in being confident at my own abilities and giftings in all of this. I've settled into a rhythm of work and time off that works for me right now. I walk out the frustrations when it's hard. I turn off the news when it's too much. I rant when I need to and I listen to songs of peace when that is all that will do. 

Mental Health Awareness Week is a time of pause to remember that who we are and what is going on in our mind matters. The Psalmist in Psalm 139 talks about how God knows all that is going on in minds, and that matters. If we are finding it difficult right now, we can lean hard on Him, we can reach out and lean on others too, because together we can take the strain. We all need to know that we are not on our own in this. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. 

Look after yourself, be gentle with yourself and with others. 

Breathe in peace and breathe it out again. 

You are far more than enough for right now.