Exactly where you need to be......

I was sent this card the other week. Well, it was socially distanced hand delivered to my doorstep and it strikes me every day I look at it. "You are exactly where you need to be, one year on". 

I'm slowly doing one of those things that everybody is doing at the moment on facebook - mine is the 30 day music challenge and it's taken me more than 30 days to get through it because I haven't thought about it every day but I am on day 20 and the song of the day is 'one that has many meanings to you' and I was reminded of Lauren Daigle's "You Say" (which is at the bottom of this post).

I chose this song because I remember the day I was sent this by one of my favourites. It was when I was looking to move churches and it spoke deep down into where my trust and identity needed to lie. I remember the day I first heard it on the radio when I was driving down to the church for the first time after moving. I remember the time I heard it live in Shepherd's Bush with a friend with whom I've been on a journey through some really hard stuff. I haven't listened to it for a while, but the words keep speaking whenever I listen to them, knowing that I am enough because God made me enough (and far much more). 

I do, from time to time, doubt myself and my own ability to do be all I have been called to be, not least at this time of lockdown. When it's at its worse I overthink, react badly and struggle to motivate myself. At the moment everything I do is new, even though some of it has been going on for nine weeks, it's new. We've had to overhaul church working structures, change completely the way we work and my support networks have become a series of faces on the screen and WhatsApp messages, and I'm not going to lie and say it's been easy - it hasn't been - the burden is difficult to carry and the heavy weight of responsibility to carry others to the new when everything is still as new as new can be to me is challenging. As I discover new things I am very conscious that I am only a tiptoe ahead of everyone else, and my nervous confidence hides the fear I have that I might not be able to stop myself falling over, never mind anyone else. 

Last night I was talking with friends and it's the first time I've answered the statement 'I think you must be doing a great job' with 'yes, I might be' (or something like that). 

This week is mental health awareness week and as we've all been rocked from our very core, mental health is something that we all need to be thinking about at the moment - the mental health of others and also our own mental health. Even if we have not suffered from mental health issues before, the current uncertainty, the devastation of lives and the frustration not being able to fix anything is going to affect us all. Perhaps this week is a time to pause, to reflect and in the stopping evaluate how actually we really are doing. 

I'm doing better than I was two weeks ago. I know that for sure. I'm leaning hard on God who is all the strength I need. I'm trying to avoid the things that make me overthink and doubt myself, and I'm trying to be bolder in being confident at my own abilities and giftings in all of this. I've settled into a rhythm of work and time off that works for me right now. I walk out the frustrations when it's hard. I turn off the news when it's too much. I rant when I need to and I listen to songs of peace when that is all that will do. 

Mental Health Awareness Week is a time of pause to remember that who we are and what is going on in our mind matters. The Psalmist in Psalm 139 talks about how God knows all that is going on in minds, and that matters. If we are finding it difficult right now, we can lean hard on Him, we can reach out and lean on others too, because together we can take the strain. We all need to know that we are not on our own in this. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. 

Look after yourself, be gentle with yourself and with others. 

Breathe in peace and breathe it out again. 

You are far more than enough for right now.

Leadership is hard (but at least we're not dead yet!)

This morning I've been stuck in the world of the first Christian martyr, Stephen. Acts 6 and 7 tells the story of him being enabled as a leaders because of the potential that was seen in him, him flourishing in the role he was commissioned into, him being taken to trial by those who saw him as a massive threat, him defending his life with an impassioned plea and defence of what he had been doing and then finally with his death....

This is all we really know of Stephen. A promising leader, enabled by the early church, but whose time as a leader was cut short by those who were threatened by the things he was saying and doing. 

And that's where I came up with the title to this blog.... it was going to be the title of my sermon but I think it's gone another direction..... 

Leadership is sometimes hard. As a church leader I'm called to lead the church forward, but am pulled back by the ones who want to keep it the same. I'm the person who needs to be there when it hurts most and the person who it is most OK to say what you want to, however much it hurts me because that's part of my job. I have a thick skin, but even those with a thick skin have points where the skin is a little bit thinner. 

Leadership is hard. We're trying to keep up with the world as it moves at a speedy pace, but slow down and be and help others to manage the speed when they are injured or flailing or simply struggling with life. 

Leadership is hard, and the expectations we place on our leaders often make it so much harder....

I've begun eating my lunch in car parks too often recently. Sometimes going from place to place and not having time to do a 'big shop' or the inclination to be organised at home means that I have experienced some interesting places to eat (I think I'm probably just a bit disorganised with lunch). But then, this week I have had a number of people tell me that they haven't even been able to make time for lunch because the tumbling waterfall of meetings has meant that it has all become a bit of a sprint. 

And the not eating lunch is just the tip of the iceberg. Underneath the surface, the paddling, for many, is frantic and keeping up with the demands of those they lead and also those who lead the leaders is something that simply cannot be sustained. 

One thing you can say about Stephen, in a time of continuing change, is that he never let up in doing the things he was called to. In fact he was called to do the things that were too much for the apostles to do.... and if he had lived perhaps he would have needed to raise leaders to do the things that were too much for him to do as the church changed and grew. 

So here's the thing.... as we reflect on the difficult job that we have been called to in leadership - whether that is in church or other work, we need to make sure that we don't get to the point where our legs are so tired we can't paddle anymore - and don't even get to the point where we end up in the waterfall that means we can't even reach out and grab some lunch. 

This week is Mental Health Awareness Week, and seems an appropriate time to raise the issue of self care. If we are to be effective in what we are being called to do, we must make sure that we are given enough time to process, to work through, to eat, to be.... that incessant paddling to keep our heads above water? It's not good for us, it's not healthy and it doesn't make for a leader who is able to be who they have been called to be. 

To the leaders who are paddling hard at the moment - reach your arms up and ask for help to be lifted out of this never ending cycle because you can't keep it up forever. The expectations on you at the moment are clearly too great. Don't go to that meeting, cancel that appointment... those things they will wait...  Don't begin anything new until you've either done or crossed out everything that is on your list and you can begin again. It's not a sprint, and we all need time to refresh. Take your day off!

To the leaders of leaders who are watching the paddling as you paddle - reach out and hold your leaders up. Reach out and together get out of the fast flow. Just because you work at a pace that can manage all this, it doesn't mean that everyone else can too. Just pause for a moment.... there are some things that will wait....  just pause, and be. And lead by example... make space for lunch, for days off, for holidays, for refreshment.

To those being led, take care of your leaders. They are not invincible, they're human. Check they are getting the space to eat, to relax, to sleep, and if they're not hold them to account - ask them why.... and then when you've asked them why, do something about it. Stop complaining and encourage. Affirm their position, their calling and be positive. You may not agree with everything a leader asks you to do, but there are ways of saying it.... check your tongue and stop sending those e-mails past 9pm. 

Stephen died because he was doing what he was called to do, enabled by the Holy Spirit to care for the church and to share the good news with those he met. We must release our leaders to do just this, to do what they have been called to do, and thankfully, because we live in a different time to Stephen, we can hopefully be sure that they will then go on to flourish and grow and help to release others to continue the work they began. 

If you are struggling right now, with stress, with workload, with worry, with anything else, then don't struggle alone. There are people who will stand with you, walk with you, listen to you, hold the load for you. We are not made to be alone, and no-one should ever need to do all of this alone. My prayer for you is that you will find companions and helpers on the journey who will carry you as you need to be carried, hide with you as you need to hide and shield you from whatever comes your way. Ultimately, God is carrying you through this and you can find shelter in him.