It's a funny thing - calling - a strange idea I think. I am called to follow Jesus, he calls me to be set aside for this strange minister role. I am called to be minister of a church in the south to lead in the way I hope I am hearing God call.
Ever since I began training (well before that, but the thinking got deeper as I went through ministerial formation) I have questioned what it means to be called and whether if you are called as a minister is it a life long thing. As Baptists we don't do the whole ordination brings you magic thing but there is something in ordination that sets you aside that says that this is not just a job, but your whole life. It's very difficult to minister unless you approach it in that way - to be a minister can never be simply a job, it takes over your whole life.
Every time I hear of a friend or colleague move away from ministry because of something that has happened in their life, or had to change the way they minister because of illness, or been basically dismissed from a church for a plethora of reasons but with nowhere to go, or the money running out in the place they were convinced God had called them I question the nature of calling. Someone I worked with quite closely disappeared never to be seen again. Someone else just couldn't carry on. Someone else realised that the type of ministry to which they were called to was not the type of ministry that matched up to the expectations of the church. Some ministers do things that aren't good which means they have to leave. Some just don't thrive. Some churches can be frankly quite horrible and some ministers and churches just don't get on with one another.
And it leads me to the question of uncalledness..... can you be uncalled? As you sit and pick up the pieces of the change of circumstance in life, as you question your very identity in God..... is there an element of being called back, to return, to let go, to be set free perhaps in there?
Today I preached on the anointing of David from 1 Samuel 16 and as I prepared I looked back on the circumstances that brought him to that point. The Israelites wanted a King and God basically said 'go on then' and in 1 Samuel 9:17 Saul is introduced to Samuel with the words from God "Here is the man of whom I spoke to you. He it is who shall rule over my people". This was a God appointment. Saul wasn't a big fan at first but he gave in in the end because it came from God (he even hid under all the baggage to avoid being made King - there's probably a blog in that) and he tried his best for 42 years to be King. Saul gets a bit of a bad press, but we've got to remember he wasn't all bad - and God put him there.
But he did get it wrong. He lost his way. The last straw was when he lied to Samuel about the task God had set before him - he saved his friend King Agag instead of killing him and he lied when he took the best things from the destruction of the Amalekites for himself (yes the Old Testament is quite brutal). It wasn't until he was found out that he repented.... but it was too late - because of his lies and deceit his reign as King would soon be over and God would appoint a new King in his place.
He was uncalled, called away, let go. While his calling came from God, his behaviour and choice did not, which meant that he couldn't carry on with what he was doing. His reign was for a season.
And Samuel grieved for him. We grieve when we lose a leader we love. We grieve when we realise the way in which we are being called has changed. We grieve..... but then God calls us on.
Sometimes a calling is for a season, and the way becomes clear for a move onward (that's why I moved south - where I was called so strongly it was overwhelming and is the reason I am sticking around even when its tough) - it doesn't mean it's easy but God calls.
Sometimes a calling ends abruptly, and whether that's because of the behaviour of the individual or of those to which they were called, then grieving and healing needs to be done.
Sometimes a calling ends because of circumstance - now this is the hardest for me to understand. What if a strong call is stopped in its tracks by a lack of resources, or what if someone gets ill, or what if?
I don't know, and I don't know if I have all the answers, but I do know if a calling is interrupted, grieving is often important, and we must be given space to do so (on leaving the Bohemian Enclave neither me or the church were given the chance to work through that, and that's something that was beyond my control that I regret very much)..... but then when that grieving period is over we need to listen for God's voice again, and we take that tentative step forward, we broaden our expectations perhaps, we learn to forgive, we make space to heal, but at some point we need to look up and see, because what is next - God knows - and it could be something far better.
"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps" - Proverbs 16:9
I like to bake. If you know me at all you can't get away from knowing that. I'm passionate about homemade cake - it's so much better than shop bought and I get disappointed frankly if I am promised homemade cake and I get shop bought. Occasionally I will buy cake, but only out of desperation or if it's something like doughnuts, which I really can't make well (I have tried). Perhaps I am a bit of a cake snob.
When I go to a coffee shop or an event or something else, the quality of the cake is key. Sometimes the cake promises much - it's beautifully iced - it sits majestic on the cake stand and it shines with a beauty that invites consumption.
But then you eat it and it tastes a bit like iced not properly set yet concrete. You smile and you eat, pour on the cream, gulp down the tea, perhaps put it in the microwave, but you're left disappointed like when you eat a McDonalds - alright at the time, but the feeling of 'why did I go there?' sits heavily in the stomach for a while.
But there is something worse than that.
Cupcakes.
Some of them balance the icing and sponge beautifully and are a pleasure to eat. The sweet and the soft sit together like a newly married couple who are beginning life together. You get caught up in the joy of the perfect combination, and sit in the moment for a while.
But that's not all cupcakes. Cupcakes have a reputation for having a tower of icing, a sickly, sweet, sugary cone rising up from a cake which seems to be only there as a poor foundation to be left behind when the icing gets too much.
More icing than cake.....
And then there's the celebration cakes that come with a sign that says 'caution do not eat' because behind the icing is a carefully carved block of polystyrene that instead of satisfying would get caught in your teeth.
All icing and no cake.....
What looks most attractive is actually most disappointing because without the depth of good cake we only get the idea of cake and where there is no cake there's no long term satisfaction. Icing is good, but not on its own.
When the prophet Samuel anoints David to be King - youngest child who was looked over by his brothers - God tells him to pass over the older, stronger, taller, more handsome brothers with these words in 1 Samuel 16:7.
"Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart".
As people we are likely to do just that - to look at the outward appearance - the pretty icing, the immaculately decorated cake, the well dressed celebrity preacher, the one who bigs themselves up with stories of their own wonderfulness - and being impressed by what we see, we take a huge bite..... and it's only when our teeth come together and ache with the intensity of the sugar that we realise there was no depth, no cake in what we've chosen to consume.
But what Samuel is told to do is to look deeper - it's not the icing on the outside that counts, not the shininess in all it's shiny glory, but it's the quality and depth of the heart inside that matters - and that's how God calls, that's where God works, that's where love is found, where the cake is light and melts in your mouth, not overfaced by sickly icing, but perfectly formed - and in that heart there is something beautiful to be found.
And when we make cake? It's the big picture that matters - coating it with edible glitter doesn't make it taste good, but slowly but surely following a recipe, tweaking and changing as we examine the texture, deeply rooted in the a quality combination of ingredients, balancing the icing with the depth of the cake, that's what makes the heart of the cake good.
That's what makes good church - it's the big picture that matters - coating it with a sheen of perfection doesn't make it taste good, but slowly but surely building from the inside, tweaking and changing as we examine the terrain, deeply rooted in Christ, balancing the icing with the depth of the cake, that's what makes the heart of the church good.
All icing and no cake is not cake.
That week I've been dreading has arrived - it's Brexit week - and unless there is some kind of miracle we're going to be tearing ourselves from the EU on Friday. I've described our exit a bit like that TK Maxx label you try to remove so you can give the item to someone without them knowing how much you spent, but however hard you try, all you leave is the price.
We don't know what the price to our country will be on leaving the EU. We don't know how much it's going to hurt. We don't know what benefits it might have (although forgive me for being blinded to that completely in my mourning for what is happening this week). We don't know who it is going to affect the most.
But we do have some ideas.
Anything with a cost takes money out of places where that money would bring benefit - and whilst we await the money promised on the side of the bus, it's important we don't lose sight of the fact that the money that is spent on Brexit will affect those already affected by cuts far much more than those who are doing alright already - it was in the government's own documents.
I have never hidden the fact that I feel great sorrow at us leaving and I am not convinced it has ever been a good idea, however I do know it is inevitable, and there are a lot of people in this country of ours who think it is a good idea despite the effects it will inevitably have - very much on those communities who voted for leaving as a way out of the difficulties they currently find themselves in. This action leaves a path of uncertainty in its way, stirs up anxiety and uncertainty and a sense of loss. In our actions as a result of what happens we can go someway to working with ourselves and others in that, but like with anything that causes pain and change, the effects are not going to simply go away.
And we must pray. The Joint Public Issues Team have brought out a statement from church leaders this week in the light of the events as they pan out in our exit from the EU - you can read that here and my prayers in church yesterday were based loosely on what was said there.
A Prayer for Brexit Week
Father God we come to you in prayer to lift to you the things that are in our hearts. We live in a world where there is conflict, where there is pain, where there is sickness and where there are divisions - and right now while we see the promises of spring, of new beginnings, beginning to show their promise from beneath the earth - as we see the hope of the snowdrop that surprises us on our paths, we yearn for a better day.
In this week where we begin to break our EU bond completely we pray for our country.
We pray for those who have not much and for whom the effects of Brexit will probably mean they have even less. We pray you will provide, that you will lift up those who are poor and marginalised and put their needs at the forefront and centre of our Government's minds.
We pray for those who are worried about their place in this country as a result of Brexit. We pray that they might feel like they belong, that you would mean any divisions amongst us and that you would calm the anger of those individuals that feel let down - that they will find peace. Help us to be builders of bridges and not walls. Stir up in us a spirit of welcome. Keep our relationships strong and grow new bonds between us.
We pray that as the divisions in this country are seen so acutely this week that we might move towards having a sense of common purpose, despite the divides. Help us to act with kindness, humility and respect towards those with whom we disagree. Be with our leaders as they carve out a path for us.
Heal our country Lord. Heal our world - and may the things that we yearn for be things of you. Show us the role we have to play in all this.
May your Kingdom come.
May your Kingdom come.
*image by Peter Linforth from Pixabay
How can you baptise if your baptistry is not full of water?
A tongue in cheek comment at a conference I went to this week, but it reminded me of a blog I wrote a little while ago but didn't end up doing anything with.
On a Saturday morning, a little while ago, for the second time in a couple of months I cleared out the baptistry at church so we could have a 'dry run'. To be fair, it was my fault the baptistry was full of stuff because I'd put someones stuff in there for safe keeping whilst it was waiting for it to be sorted out. It's now in in my loft and in the cupboard in my spare room.
To get to the baptistry I had to move bags of glue and shortbread, a set of drums and some tambourines and a selection of things that look kind of like microphone stands but could be something else entirely.
So much stuff in the way.
Whilst the stuff in the baptistry wouldn't stop people getting baptised - it could be moved - perhaps it might be symbolic of something bigger.
We all long for restoration - for transformation - as we look at the world around us - as we look at our own lives - we long for things to be better and we hope that one day they will be. The whole act of believers' baptism is about that - it is a symbol of the transformation we receive in Jesus - moving from old to new, the putting on of new clothes - through death to new life - restoration.
The empty baptistry just needs to be filled with water (and hopefully warmed up) - and it will be in a weeks time - but a baptistry full of stuff needs more work.
When we want to see change we're stopped in our tracks because the stuff we treasure builds up and in our wisdom we leave it there and use it as a convenient excuse to not work towards the transformation we're called to.
A blanket statement stops the baptistry being filled - 'there's stuff in the baptistry' is a poor excuse for not filling it with water. Blanket statements stop transformation - 'nothing is going to change so why bother?'
If I don't remove the rubbish, I don't need to get wet
If I don't clear my table, I can't invite people round
If I don't fill in the form, I won't have to deal with result
If I just don't turn up it's not my problem anymore.
If we want to see this world change we've got to stop treasuring all the stuff that stops the change. I watched the Two Popes on Netflix last night and one phrase that struck me was 'nobody's problem becomes everybody's problem'.
That's it isn't it? We don't clear the stuff out of the baptistry just so we can stand in there when we feel like it. We clean the stuff out of the baptistry to open that door for others..... because you never know, by doing so, you might begin a sequence of events that does change things for the better after all.
What is the rubbish, the treasure, the barrier you're refusing to remove?
Stop making excuses, because when you start stepping forward, those things that stop us, they will disappear, and it will come.....
"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track" Proverbs 3:5-6
I like to make music. I like listening to music. Music - it’s good for the soul. I’m meant to be going to a choir tonight but I’ve taken their non response to my Facebook message as a sign (or some sort of excuse that leads to the conclusion) that tonight is not the night. I’m a little bit peopled out and an evening in alone is more attractive than having to be sociable with strangers even though singing is involved.
Music is good for me. It lifts me and grounds me. It puts into notes and words the feelings I find difficult to express because I’m not the kind of person who actually finds it easy to tell people what I’m thinking and feeling. The abilities of others to string together a series of sounds that stops me in my tracks never fails to amaze.
I have different music I listen to for different moods - I wake up to worship music to remind me that God is with me as I begin the day. I listen to 90s alternative as I cook and clean because I know the words. My anger is accompanied by shouty Limp Bizkit and the like. My flat mood is currently joined by the deep sounds of Leonard Cohen and my foot tapping by Jack Johnson. Sam Phillips brings to mind the familiarity of Gilmore Girls when I need to know all is safe and Lauren Daigle reminds me I matter and I’m going to be OK. When I need to feel deep peace I listen to The Sixteen or Arvo Part who remind me that heaven can be a place on earth just for a moment as I feel the presence of God in the music - a thin place where heaven meets earth. And there are moments where the only song that will do is Tavener’s Song of the Angel which sends shivers down my spine as I close my eyes and in the darkness I hear that moment when everything changed.....
Music gets me through. I have a friend who sends me songs that have spoken to me at the most difficult of times. She picks lyrics that send messages straight to the heart and hold me when it’s tough. And when I’m sad or insecure or unsure of what I am, I remember the song of God that spurs me on.
I was reminded again today of the words of Zephaniah 3:17 where times that are better are promised.
‘The Lord your God is with you,
the Mighty warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
In his love he will no longer rebuke you,
but he will rejoice over you with singing’
I love this - I love that God sings a song over me because he loves me. Today it might be a song of rest, tomorrow it may be something different. Some days God knows I just need to know I’m loved, some days I need to understand he’s got my back. He sings over me and he rejoices because he loves me.
What song is he singing right now? I’m not sure, but have a listen..... because the songs that bring us closer to our God who sings over us - they’re there - waiting and ready to be heard.
It was Eve wasn’t it, who ate the apple (well actually fruit) from the tree and is to blame for all the brokenness in the world today?
One woman, one mistake, watch out for women - they’ll lead you astray.
It’s Eve’s fault.
It was Maggie wasn’t it, who closed the pits, who divided our country, who left communities with nothing and is surely to blame for many of our issues today?
One woman, give her power, look what happens when women get into leadership positions. Never again.
It’s Eve’s fault.
It was Wallis wasn’t it, who caught the eye of the King, and lured him away with promises of a better life and left the country bereft?
One woman, one temptress, watch out for her looks - she’ll take away the world you were called to.
It’s Eve’s fault.
It was Meghan wasn’t it, who married a prince and turned him against his family - brother against brother in an attempt to bring down the institution?
One woman, standing up for a different way for her family - watch out for the foreign woman - she’ll lead you astray.
It’s Eve’s fault.
It was Amy wasn’t it, who one night got dressed up to go out with friends, and woke up in the morning in a strange bed, sore and broken and ashamed?
One woman, asking for it - she deserves what she gets.
It’s Eve’s fault.
It was Melody wasn’t it, who we took a risk in calling and messed up the church with a wild ways and off the wall ideas, leaving us broken and bereft?
One woman, I told you so - women preachers are no more.
It’s Eve’s fault.
It’s Eve’s fault - in her eyes we see all women, in her actions we see evil, in her punishment we see a call to never allow it again....
So woman - sit down - take the punishment your ancestor brought upon you, for you haven’t learned your place yet.
And it’s Eve’s fault.
But Jesus says to the Samaritan woman bring me a drink and she discovers new life
But Jesus says to the woman bleeding - go your faith has made you well
But Jesus writes in the sand as the woman stands in fear.....
Stop blaming Eve. Stop blaming Eve.
I love a google map when I’m going on a journey. I lean on google map wisdom rather heavily and when (as it always does in Milton Keynes) the signal fails I feel bereft and slightly panicky.
The thing about google maps is that it is better than reading an actual map because.....
- it really doesn’t take a lot of effort
- it will guide you without you having to develop a system of post it notes/very large passenger seat instructions/memory techniques etc to get you to your destination
- and best of all it helps you to avoid obstacles/traffic jams/closed roads/crashes to get to your destination on time and will even reroute you if something unexpected turns up.
I was sitting talking to a friend yesterday about life and how we deal with those times when something floors us because the getting knocked down and getting up again is really hard sometimes (despite how easy chumbawumba makes it seem). We reflected on how life is not like google maps. It takes effort, navigation isn’t always straight forward and that obstacles inevitably get in our way - often smacking us right in the face.
Wouldn’t it be good if we could sail in through the google map way? The promises that many of us were made when we were growing up were that if we choose the right route it’ll be ok....
As we head into a new year with expectations perhaps, or a skeleton map - as we long for a bit of simplicity and an obvious bit of direction - as the google map dream is only that and will never be anything more..... there is much more, we reflected, that we can rely on.
Where we are worried that we are in and perhaps the cause of the mess of it all there are those around us who know us who can tell us what the true story is - listen to them - they may have something to say that will be better than the lost post it note.
Where everything appears to have come to a halt or crashed due to no fault of our own - where we are limping or injured or simply at a loss, sometimes digging out takes time - it’s ok to pause for a while to deal with the debris around and sometimes the clear up takes longer than we might imagine. Sit still for a while and find the right people to sit by you and gradually work through all the stuff.
When the way ahead is uncertain, take it one signpost at a time. Each wrong move, wrong turn, is a learning experience and retreating to where you were before is not always a bad thing because a new route will present new opportunities.
And learn to trust - trust your own instincts - you may get lost for a while but you’ll find your way back..... trust those who know you - they may have seen exactly what you’ve missed..... and mostly - trust God - he knows better than all of us the way out of the stuff - and it might be the exact route that Google maps in its search for the easy obvious way desperately wants you to avoid.
May 2020 be a year of discovery, recovery, hope and blessing
